Divorcing at 50+ – Five Steps to Recovery

 A recent survey revealed that older people living alone are more likely to be lonely and depressed. Don’t become a victim – create a new life and don’t be afraid to try new things.

· The end of your marriage does not have to mean the end of your life. It may seem like it but it is just the end of one chapter of your life and the beginning of another. It is important that you focus on your future, not your past.

· Get clear about what you want and set goals to reach. Write your goals down – they must be specific and realistic and you must write down when you will complete them by. You will find that your life is much more focussed when you have written goals.

· Whilst it may feel ‘cleansing’ to complain about your ex to your friends, you don’t want to over extend their understanding and patience. If you are really having difficulty getting over it then seek professional help. It is also a good idea to make some new friends who did not know your ex.

· Take up new hobbies and interests. Is there anything you have always wanted to do but never had the time? There are all sorts of clubs and classes you can join. There are gardening clubs, reading groups, sewing circles, dance classes or keep fit classes. Alternatively you could take up a new sport – why not learn how to play golf or tennis?

· A great way of meeting people and doing something worthwhile at the same time is to volunteer. Hospitals and charities are always looking for people to contribute a few hours of their time.

 

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11 Comments

Filed under Post Divorce, Retirement

11 responses to “Divorcing at 50+ – Five Steps to Recovery

  1. I have been enlightened lately by all I have been learning about the grief process. It may be obvious to some of us, that divorce is a loss like a death is, and that there is a grieving process, yet I find there are either misunderstandings about the grief process or simply a lack of knowledge about it.

    I just posted some thoughts & information about the grief process (and tried to break down some misunderstandings about it) on my blog: http://italiandreams.wordpress.com

    I am wondering about your views on the grief process.

    • Arishandi

      Hi there, i am six months into the beginning of a very ugly period of discovery of the beginninging of an end to a 30 year “exemplary” marriage. i am 51 years and am totally devastated even though I know that this is the right thing to do. i was in denial for the greater part of my marriage due to cultural and value system considerations. I am still blindsided by the way in which realisation was foisted on to me by my soon to be ex. In a way it was good he revealed himself to me in such a manner, I would have never faced up to the fact that he was emotionally abusive and would have silently aged with him in our marriage in denial of the fact that our relationship was toxic. As it happened, his true colours came out publicly and I could not deny the emotinal and psychological abuse to myself any longer. the long and the short is that I was lucky he lost his grip and did what he did. it forced me to really see him for what he was ( which I had been in denial for a long time) I have grieved for the last four months, have felt embarrsassed and humiliated but the process of grieveing s absolutelty essential. I have been getting therapy and had to go on medication to help me cope with the grieving process, in addition to supporting my adult children who have had to face the evidence of their father”s behaviour ( what he did is there in hard evidence and unfortunately he involved the children). My children hero worshipped their father and given the very dysfunctional aspect of how we came to be on the divorce mill, they found themselves having to see and evaluate him in a way no child should ever have to be put through. So my grieving process is multi dimensional.

      • Congratulations for getting out of an abusive marriage. You should not feel embarrassed or humiliated but proud of yourself for finding the strength to say no. Six months is not long in the grieving process, things will get easier as time goes by and you will find the confidence to put yourself first and build a new life.

  2. Hi Chandi

    This is so true and I am planning to write about it. Grief is such an important stage and is often not recognised or acknowledged.

    I think the Fisher programme is fabulous and I’m glad you’re finding it helpful.

    Have you read ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ by Elizabeth Gilbert? It is a funny but touching book about her path through divorce.

    You’re getting there Chandi – your future is, indeed, bright.

    Best of luck and good wishes
    Annie

  3. jacquesleclerc

    very good comments my wife of 44 years just left me for a old boyfriend that found her on facebook i nver abused her and she left for lust and a lod crush she had for him in high school very sad

  4. It is different over 50 to deal with divorce. Thanks for such an enlightening article!

  5. Hello everyone, I have just come out of a marriage of 4yrs.
    the love just died and i feel very sad . I’m 51 and feel ho hum here i go again.I’m going to write some goals down [ career/training and health goals ] I am starting to date again and hope to enjoy dating. So fari so goodie on that front. I’d like to say “Thankyou for this positive article!”

  6. Jack

    The divorce was final yesterday. We have been in the process for almost a year and we are the best of friends. We went out for dinner afterwards and watched a movie last night. I guess that must sound strange since most divorces go the other way but if there’s something to fight about then we should have stayed married. She is a wonderful woman and I’m a pretty good guy. I gotta tell ya though, I have never felt as alone as I do right now. After 21 years with the same person, it is hard to see myself without her in my daily life. As I look to the future, I really don’t see much change for me and that is scary. I’ve been out of the game so long that I don’t even know what the rules are. I go to work and I come home. I don’t drink so that leaves out the bar scene, I’m not much of a church guy so that’s out. I know there are no answers but thanks for letting me get it out.

    • Hi Jack – it’s great that you’ve stayed on good terms with your ex. I’m sure you will rebuild your life, just take it one step at a time. There are support groups you can join – use a search engine to find one in your area. Also you can meet new people through hobbies – sports, gardening, reading – there are classes and clubs for all sorts of things these days. If you get involved in your local community you will make new friends who will introduce you to their friends and you will slowly rebuild your life.

  7. Jana Brown

    I am 51 years old and am leaving a marriage of 25 years. I am married to a person who is generous, a good provider, awesome in a pinch and would help anyone out. Problem is he is emotionally delayed and is one of those people who shows his love by buying you something etc. He has never been there for me and there were times when he hardly knew I was there. Never considered me as a equal and treated me as if I was an obligation. In other words he was there physically, (as of in the room and nothing else) but emotionally non exsistent. My friends always said when they saw us together that you would not know that we are married. This would have continued on for another 25 years I am sure. So, I had to STOP the INSANITY! He is heading for retirement (he thinks he is old) and I never saw how i would fit into that. Our children are in college and heading for their own lives so I was thinking that we could concentrate on our marriage and what we each want to do with our lives in other words I am just getting started and he is winding down! I understand what you are saying Jack…my divorce is not final and he is still here. I can’t wait for him to go but at the same time i don’t want to work and just come home. I am going to seriously start thinking about my personal development and what I want to do with the rest of my life. It is scary and I don’t know rules and all of that but I will make my own rules as I go. I figure I can be safe and go to work and then come home but you have to break through your inhibitions and do something out of your comfort zone which is not easy and I have a huge lump in my throat! LOL! I am just waiting for things to settle and taking the days as they come.

  8. Hello there, You have done an excellent job.
    I’ll definitely digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I am confident they will be benefited from this site.

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