Category Archives: positive thinking

Guest Post: 5 Things to Remember when Co-Parenting after Divorce

After the dispute is over and the child custody lawyers have done their job and been paid, parents embark on the difficult and enduring task of raising children with their former spouse. The bitterness that so often stems from the end of a marriage is difficult to put aside, but the trauma it causes to the children of divorced couples can be significant. The tips offered below will help guide parents through the delicate process of sharing custody.

  • Put Parenthood First

The most important thing for divorced couples to remember when it comes to custody issues is to put parenthood ahead of everything else. As angry or hurt as they may feel, those issues should have been addressed during the divorce. Now is the time to focus clearly on the best interests of their child or children. It can be difficult to overcome painful, if selfish feelings and work with the person who has left you feeling betrayed, but having a child with someone means that is your job, no matter what else occurs.

  • Forgive the Past

As difficult as it can be, letting go of the pain is the absolute best way to reduce the amount of trauma your children experience due to marital conflict. If you need help to manage this, family therapy doesn’t have to end because you have divorced. After all, you may no longer be married, but you will always be a family, and you and your children may benefit from some guidance and mediation from a professional counsellor.

  • Respect their Role

If forgiveness is more than you can currently manage, make sure that you are at least showing respect to your former spouse’s relationship with your child or children. Whatever their sins as a husband or wife, their role as a father or mother is critical in your children’s lives and remembering its importance can help you to come to peace with their continued presence in your life.

  • Discuss Important Decision

Although you are no longer married, as parents you will have a relationship for the rest of your lives. As with any other relationship, communication is the best way to keep things running smoothly. Openly discussing needs, obstacles, goals, and concerns will be the most effective way to avoid conflict and reach fair compromises. It will also help to keep the best interests of the child or children involved in sharp focus.

  • Parent Together

Self-awareness is something that many people struggle with, but understanding your ability to work with and be around your former partner is the only way to make to right custody plans for your family. For parents who are able to put aside their personal feelings or whose divorce was fairly amicable, coordinated parenting is the best way to go. With this method of shared custody, parents can work together, spend time with their children as a complete family unit, and collaborate on important decisions.

For couples who are left angry and unable to moderate their conflicts after divorce, parallel parenting may be the best option. In this arrangement, parents will coordinate through email and other indirect communication, while limiting their contact as much as possible to avoid traumatic fights that will impact their children negatively. If even this is more cooperation that they can achieve, intervention from a mediator or custody specialist may be necessary to ensure that the children are protected from continuing conflict between their parents.

Author Info:

Alan Brady is a freelance writer who focuses on issues that impact families. He currently writes for Attorneys.com, which connects people with local child custody lawyers.

Leave a comment

Filed under Children and divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce

Guest Post: Enjoy your first Solo trip to America after Divorce

After divorce, travelling on an organised solo holiday can deliver more than a great trip to your chosen destination. You set off alone but new friendships form quickly. Sharing the experiences of your adventure with likeminded people makes the trip special and it will stay with you for a lifetime.
Choosing Where To Go And What To Do

When you find yourself single again following divorce one of the hardest things can be sorting out a holiday, yet a holiday can also be one of the best ways to move on and get a fresh perspective on your life. A quick glance at the itineraries available for singles holidays will be enough to whet your appetite, inspire your holiday choice and help you make that daunting first step. Adventure comes in different forms for different people, from the white knuckle adrenaline rush of rafting trips to treks in any of the wonderful National Parks to city tours which embrace the history of the country. Whether it’s a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon, fun and games in Las Vegas or a classic road trip America is positively bursting with iconic holiday destinations to choose from; no wonder it is such a favourite with holiday makers from across the world. The excitement of travel will help shift your focus to the future.

New Adventure New Friends
By electing to travel with a specialist singles tour operator you will ensure that you share your adventure with people who also hold your idea of what makes a great holiday. The companionship, laughter and fun that go hand in hand with meeting new people in a relaxed setting add a special dimension to any singles holiday, especially if you are making your first trip since your divorce. Additionally by joining a group you also get peace of mind and security, making it possible to head to places you would never go alone. The tour operator takes care of travel and accommodation arrangements, making the trip stress free. So whilst you are away your will not be wasting any time that could otherwise be spent simply enjoying the trip. Tour leaders do more than take the hassle out of planning and arranging the trip. If this is your first time post-divorce holiday the idea of setting off alone can be quite scary, even if you are joining a group, but tour guides and leaders will always welcome everyone, introduce the party members to each other and easing everyone into a relaxed and happy frame of mind. Special singles adventure trips are available for short or longer periods of time so whether you just have time for a week away or are lucky enough to have more free time on your hands you will be able to find a trip to suit for you.

All in all singles travel is rewarding and exciting. There is no better destination than North and Central America with such a vast array of options. People set out as strangers but within just a week there are tears as new friends are saying goodbye at the end of the holiday of a lifetime.

Author Bio:  Jennifer Doherty writes regularly on travel subjects for a range of websites and blogs. She is single and enjoys the freedom that solo travelling delivers. She has most recently made a number of trips to North America with special singles tours from http://www.trekamerica.co.uk/adventure-holidays-for-singles.html

Leave a comment

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce, Relationships, self-esteem

Guest Post: 5 Questions to Ask Before Dating After Divorce

Everything changes after a divorce. After months of dealing with filings, proceedings and divorce attorneys, it becomes time to determine what your next steps will be.

This is an amazing opportunity for you to pursue exactly what you want out of life. Along with your interests and career, and your relationships with friends and your children, a new romantic relationship may be something you are interested in. Before you start dating after a divorce, ask yourself these five questions.

Am I ready to date again?

It’s the most obvious question, but it’s also the most important. Your friends and family may be urging you to date again. Their remarks about how you should “get back out there” may feel like minor comments to them, but that kind of social pressure can be stressful.

It is your decision when you start dating again. You are in charge of this incredible and unique journey that is your life, so don’t hand over that decision-making power to anyone else.

Jumping back into the dating scene right after a divorce can be difficult because you are still figuring out what your new life will look like. You’ll need to assess the commitments you’re already making:

  • Commitments to your children.
  • Commitments to your family and friends.
  • Commitments to your job.

Are you ready to balance a new relationship with your other commitments? Only you will know the answer. And it may take some time to figure that out.

How are my children handling the divorce?

You may be ready to date again, but if you have children with your ex you will need to consider what is best for them as well. Whether it has been a couple of years or only a short time since your divorce, your first new relationship will be a very big change for your children.

No matter the age, it is common for children to have some hesitation when you are dating a new person. They may still harbor feelings that you and your ex will get back together. A new relationship attacks that hopeful feeling.

You can start dating again, but be cautious about how your children meet and interact with this new person. Date for a while before introducing someone to your children. If you don’t see the relationship lasting long term, you shouldn’t expose your children to adults that won’t be sticking around. If you think the relationship is going somewhere, find a safe and comfortable situation to introduce your children. Communication is key; make sure your children understand why you’re dating again, and lead conversations about how it makes them feel.

What is my relationship with my ex like?

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. Divorces can be finalized before feelings are. You might need more time, and you can also consider a healthy dose of therapy after a divorce.

To give yourself a real chance with a new relationship, your heart has to be open to the possibility of a new love. If there is any chance you’ll be saying “My ex is just like that,” or “Do you know what my ex did?” you need some more time to work things through.

Am I confident?

All of the emotions during a divorce can put you in a place where you need to rebuild happiness and confidence. Consider it a great opportunity to become the person you want to me.

Finding your confidence after a divorce is a gradual process. With effort and a positive attitude, you can find the confidence you are seeking in time.

Don’t offer your date a version of yourself that you aren’t comfortable with—wait until you feel good about where you are. When you present yourself as the confident and wonderful person that you are, you can find the confident and wonderful relationship you deserve.

Is a new romantic relationship what you need?

Before turning to a new relationship, remember the other commitments you are making that we discussed above. Is there more you want out of those commitments? Love is a big word, and it encompasses more than just romantic relationships.

Continuing to build a strong relationship with your children can provide the happiness you may have expected to come from a new relationship. Reconnecting with friends can do the same. Being single is also a great time to pursue the career opportunities you may have put on hold during your marriage.

If you are honest with yourself about the above questions and have a positive outlook on your future, you will know when it is time to date again.

Author Bio: Jack is a freelance writer based in Seattle who spends his hours hopping between an ergonomic keyboard and an old school typewriter. You can reach Jack by leaving a comment or connecting with him on Twitter.

3 Comments

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, New relationship after divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: Avoiding Depression After a Divorce

The life changes that result from a divorce can cause even the strongest person to become depressed. Even if you are the person who wanted the divorce, depression can still be caused by the stress of all of the changes that a divorce will bring. The loss of living arrangements, the breakup of a family and other changes place enormous pressure on a person. Here is a list of three simple steps that you can take to avoid becoming depressed during those rough times after a divorce.

1. Create New Bonds
The loss of a spouse will leave a hole in your daily life. You will need to develop new relationships to take up the room left by your ex-spouse, even if you are glad that the spouse is gone. This doesn’t mean that you have to run out and jump into a new romantic relationship. It simply means that you need people to spend time with on a regular basis. A new relationship doesn’t even mean you need a new person. You can spend more time with family or existing friends or you can go out and meet new people at a variety of social gatherings.

2. List Your Strengths
During a time when your emotions are in check, write a list of your personal strengths and include examples. For example, you might write that you are a good cook, that your family always wants you to cook for family gatherings. Keep the list in a safe but accessible place and pull it out and read it when things are tough. While these things might sound silly on a good day, reading a list of your strengths can really help to pull you through a rough time.

3. Develop Goals
Having goals is important for everyone. However, goals can be especially important for a person who has recently gone through a divorce. With a lot of free time and a lot of negative emotions and events to ponder it would be easy for you to slip into a depressive state. But if you have a goal or multiple goals to work toward it will be easier for you to keep your mind engaged on the positives in your life. Some goal examples could include completing a degree or learning a new hobby.

By using these three simple tips you can help to reduce your chances of becoming depressed after a divorce. However, if you do become depressed, do not hesitate to seek assistance from friends, family and medical professionals.

Author Bio:  Jack Meyer is a regular contributor for http://www.nannybackgroundcheck.com/. As a detective he wants to spread the knowledge of terrible things that can happen when people don’t fully verify the credentials of a caregiver or any employee. He also writes for various law enforcement blogs and sites.

Leave a comment

Filed under Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce

Guest Post: How to Find Happiness after Divorce

Divorce is a process to legally end the marital bond that you and your spouse shared. The lengthy court procedures can make you feel physically and emotionally stressed. What you need to understand is that divorce is not the end of life, but a chance to give your life another new beginning. It has been observed that many individuals are unable to bear the sudden void they feel in their life after getting divorced. It is definitely difficult to deal with life after divorce, but if you make some minute changes in your daily life and make a conscious effort to deal with this emotional turmoil, then you will be able to find happiness after divorce.

Here are some simple yet effective tips that I have jotted down for you, so that you are successful in finding happiness after divorce.

  • Manage finances: You may have never managed your finances. If it was your spouse who looked after the finances. It is time that you start managing your finances. You have already paid enough for the legal proceedings of your divorce. If you do not manage your finances then you are going to get yourself into big trouble. Get yourself busy, get a pen and paper or use Ms Excel to note down your daily expenses, plan your future expenditure, and work out how to pay any debts.
  • Plan your day: Many divorced individuals are unable to bear the sudden loneliness in their life. They do not plan their day; they are not aware of their plans for the day or the next day and so on. These individuals need to plan their day. Make a schedule of when to wake up, eat, watch television, take the dog for a walk, exercise, make phone calls, cook, work, etc. You need to get back to a daily schedule and not surrender yourself to depression or drug addiction. You can enjoy being alone, by doing small things for yourself.
  • Mourn: The scars of a broken relationship will take some time to heal. If you feel like crying or staying alone, then you can do so but only for certain time period. Sooner or later you need to get back to life.
  • Socialize: Many divorced individuals avoid social occasions. There is no harm in meeting close friends over a cup of coffee. Why miss spending time with your close relatives and friends, just because you got divorced. Make sure that before you attend any social get-together or party, you prepare yourself for the whispers that you might hear about your broken marriage. It is time to stop bothering about such people and live your life.
  • Avoid jumping on to the dating bandwagon: Recent research has found that many individuals with broken relationship or marriage just get on to the dating bandwagon, so that they can get rid of their loneliness and sorrow. Such a dating spree is going to do you no good, if you really want to start a new relationship then first give yourself sometime to accept your divorce and move on with your life.
  • Exercise and eat: Eating healthy food and looking after your well-being are your own responsibilities now. Plan a healthy diet for yourself and stick to it. You do not have to go on a strict weight loss plan but eat healthy food, so that you feel healthy and fresh. Eating take-away or ready-to-cook food will harm your health and make you feel more depressed. If you find difficult to get motivated to exercise, then plan a game of tennis with your friends or visit the nearest club for a swimming lesson or just go for a walk. A little fresh air and adrenaline rush will make you feel refreshed and happy.

Above mentioned are few simple tips that would help you deal with life after divorce. By making minor changes in your life you can deal with these difficult times.

Author Bio.  Hello, My name is Rosen Mooralian. I am a freelance writer living in Houston, Texas. I have written different articles for different topics like men and women relationship, divorce laws in Texas, orders for divorce, various types of divorce forms, edivorceintexas.com  etc.

2 Comments

Filed under Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: Celebrate your new beginning with a divorce party

Finalizing a divorce not only marks the end of one stage of your life, but also the beginning of another. Being done with the nitty gritty details of divisions of property and other legal red tape will definitely lift a weight off your shoulders. Chances are you’ll be ready to kick back and relax with the people who have been your friends and support network throughout the process. Celebrate the beginning of a new chapter of your life by throwing a divorce party!

Setting the stage

A divorce party can be as simple or as elaborate as you’d like, but it should definitely include several components integral to any good party. Tunes are a must, so hook up your iPod to your stereo and choose a playlist of songs that make you happy. Food and drinks give you a chance to celebrate, and if you want, indulge a little. Don’t be afraid to serve and sample some rich foods; you can always resume eating more healthily tomorrow.

Decorations set the stage and should reflect your personality. Is there any part of you that you felt was getting suffocated in your marriage? Celebrate it at your divorce party. Maybe you decide to decorate with memorabilia your spouse didn’t care for, hosting a barbecue instead of eating vegetarian or simply decking out the house in flowers your ex was allergic to. Whatever you choose, be sure it reflects the self you are becoming or perhaps rediscovering.

Inviting your pals

One of the most difficult things about a divorce is that it may force many of the friends you and your ex had as a couple to choose sides. A divorce party is your chance to solidify the group of friends who will be going forward with you into your new chapter of life. A get-together with your support system is also a chance to get to know people better so you can fill in gaps in your social circles.

If you’re a social butterfly, chances are you’ll want to throw a big bash with everyone you can think of. If you’re more of an introvert, you may want to just invite your closest friends so you can feel comfortable and let your guard down at your party. It doesn’t matter if you throw a kegger or watch old movies with your best friend; do what you enjoy and what will make you feel good as you move forward with your life.

Activities for your divorce party

It’s up to you how you want to celebrate your new beginning, but there are several activities that commonly show up at divorce parties. Pick and choose from the ones that most appeal to you and don’t be afraid to invent your own fun:

  • As an icebreaker, have each guest pretend to be a famous divorced person and spend some time mingling and trying to guess who each one is pretending to be. Enjoy getting into character!
  •  Burn a copy of your marriage certificate as a symbolic way to express the dissolution of the marriage. Make sure it’s a photocopy. Divorced or not, you may need to send proof of your marriage to offices like the Social Security Administration to receive benefits from your ex.
  • Invite guests to give toasts to the future. Say goodbye to the past and don’t dwell on it.
  • Have everybody, including you, write down ideas of things for you to do now that the divorce is final. Put these all in a basket or jar that you can reference for future inspiration. Maybe you want to take up yoga, learn how to cook, move to a different city or change your career. Get inventive!

Moving forward after a divorce is a process and it’s helpful to have a milestone to mark the beginning. A healthy support network is vital. Make your party your own and don’t be afraid to include components that will be meaningful or freeing, if only to you.

Author Bio: Felicia Baratz is a freelance writer and graphic designer living in Indianapolis, IN. As a contributor to eatbreatheblog.com, she touches on green innovations and practices like green moving and transportation.

2 Comments

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: How to Talk To Your Ex after Divorce

It is an unfortunate fact that after divorce you’ll often be unable to avoid your ex completely. There can be many reasons for this, including children, finances, friends, in-laws, etc. etc.

The truth of the matter is that you and your ex shared a significant part of your life together and will always have that in common. So erasing them after divorce isn’t really possible.

Divorce is an emotional experience, and it is important not to let it ruin a significant part of your life or embitter you to life ahead. It is important to accept the fact that divorce is real, final and understandable.

Even more important is understanding and accepting that you will not be able to completely cut your ex out of your life, especially if you share children. So, there will always be the need to communicate in some fashion with your ex. Here are some quick tips to help you when you have to talk to your ex after divorce, and are uncomfortable with the situation.

1)      Be professional

Everyone knows what is and isn’t appropriate in a professional atmosphere. The best bet for successfully dealing with your ex, especially immediately after divorce, is if you act as professional as possible.

Don’t bring up emotional topics, talk about your personal life, ask for advice, or even ask them how they’re doing. What good can come of it? If they seem happy, it just serves to make you angrier and more bitter. If they’re sad it can cause guilt, anger, sadness and confusion. And if they rebuff you it can be emotionally devastating. So, stay professional, at the very least until the raw emotions start to fade.

2)      Be respectful

Unless you had an extremely amicable splitting, this will more than likely be a struggle. But it’s important to invest in moving forward with your life. A large piece of this will be learning to put the past behind you, moving forward, and being able to deal humanely with your ex. This means respectful communication.

This combines naturally with being professional. Even if it’s just an exterior you originally have to project, it will help in your communication with your ex. Eventually it will hopefully become less of a façade and truly the way you interact with your ex.

3)      Be confident

Often people categorize divorce as failure, and that failure with shame. There’s no reason for this however; it’s human nature to grow and change. And as unfortunate as it is, sometimes people grow apart. Don’t fall into the trap of guilt or shame during or after a divorce—these feelings are completely unproductive and only serve to hurt your future growth.

Being confident is an extremely important part of learning to communicate with your ex. Whether your divorce ended on friendly terms or not, more than likely you know enough about each other to push buttons. Being confident in your interactions can help you resist the urge to play these games, and hopefully give you the strength needed if they resort to less-than-adult tactics such as these.

4)      Be independent

Independence after divorce is rough. It can be a serious struggle to accept the official distance between you and your ex, and the new role you find yourself in. But, it is important to accept your new life, in which independence plays a large part.

It can be tempting to search for a new relationship with which to fill your time, and is often natural. However, you should resist this until you’ve learned to be completely independent.

Similarly, independence is extremely important when dealing with your ex. There can be temptation to return to the familiar. Everyone has felt that shortening of distance when dealing with an ex. It can be hard to believe and understand life after your marriage. But independence is important in maintaining normal, rational, productive and healthy communication with your ex—not to mention moving forward with your new life.

5)      Be brief

Brevity is vital in early stages of communication with your ex. More than likely you will find yourself stressed, frustrated, angry, or bitter when you first begin talking to your ex again. If you’re being overwhelmed by these feelings, make the conversation brief. Even if they don’t understand, you need to do what’s right for you.

Practicing common sense will help you talk to your ex after divorce successfully. The problem is that emotions tend to override more practical feelings, clouding judgment and leading to further problems. Your best bet to help prevent this is communicating in a professional, respectful, confident, independent, and brief manner.

Remember that no matter how hurt, upset, mad, or bitter you are about your divorce it will get better. And like it or not, you’ll probably have to continue to deal with your ex in the future—especially if there are children involved. Civility is important, and should be practiced as much as possible.

Author Bio:  Alan Brady is a passionate blogger who loves to share his personal experiences concerning divorce, his daughters, and being a single parent. He is a freelance writer for the divorce lawyer locator, attorneys.com.

5 Comments

Filed under Children and divorce, Communication, Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, self-esteem