Allow your children to love you both

In an ideal divorce situation, both parents would deserve and have equal custody along with decision-making capabilities regarding their children. They would treat each other fairly and with respect for their own chosen parenting style.

Unfortunately this is too often not the case and at least one parent if not both set out to defame the other parent in their children’s eyes. Turning your children against the other parent will create a life long psychological difficulty for them and gain you nothing. A friend of mine shared with me the anger she still feels at times towards her mother for turning her against her father while she was a child. When she was old enough to begin questioning all she had been told, she discovered that her mother had lied to her and greatly exaggerated her father’s failings. She has now forged a relationship with her father and become closer to him than to her mother, and feels cheated of the years she lost to her mother’s bitterness.

Saying derogatory things about the other parent, withholding money, being disrespectful toward the other parent in front of your children only hurt your children and your long-term relationship with them. Your anger at your ex can destroy you all when you choose to involve your children in exacting revenge on your ex.

Allow your children to love both of you. Allow them to love the step parents that may be part of their lives. Love is infinite and will only result in more love for you, not less. When you act out of love, by being kind towards others, including your ex, and teach your children to always act out of love, the happiness in your lives will be multiplied over and over again. Hate and anger destroys lives. Don’t let it destroy your children. Spend some time this week writing about your children and whether or not you are being fair to their other parent. Are you acting out of love and kindness? Are you acting in the best interest of your children and not yourself. If not, decide to do so and write about how you can accomplish this. Have a great week.

With thanks to Choosing Happiness after Divorce  




Filed under Children and divorce, Post Divorce

2 responses to “Allow your children to love you both

  1. John

    Allowing a child to love someone who supports abandonment, by far the worst form of evil I know, ir incomprehensible. If they choose to support abandonment, then they too can be abandoned. I will not love traitorous child. Divorce is wrong, as is abandonment, to teach anything else is not in the best interest of the child.

  2. Your children need to be allowed to love both parents, regardless of whether or not that parent “abandoned” them. Loving your children means loving them enough to allow them to love others, because if you are modeling loving kind behavior to them, then they will learn to love and be kind. They will also learn to discern a relationship that is not about love and kindness and choose to not be involved with such a person. If they were abandoned by the other parent they will eventually figure out that this is not a relationship they desire and in figuring this out on their own, this will allow them to trust their feelings when they become involved in relationships as teenagers or adults. If you tell them what to feel, and judge the other parent for them, you are setting yourself up to possibly loose your children if they reconnect with their other parent as an adult. Considering your children as traitorous for loving their other parent is not healthy for them or for you. Please reconsider and choose love to be your example.

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