How do you forgive someone who has hurt you so badly? The person who has ruined your life, uprooted your family?
It’s never going to be easy but who are you actually hurting if you don’t forgive? Will your ex care that you haven’t forgiven him/her? Will they even know?
In fact all you are ding is causing yourself to be bitter. What good is holding on to the past doing? You’re making yourself miserable, you’re likely to be boring your friends and testing the patience of your love ones.
So, what is holding on to anger, resentment and bitterness doing for you?
What would it be like if you were to let them go?
How can you move forward if you’re always looking back?
You can’t change what has happened, thinking about it won’t make it different. Finding things to blame your ex for isn’t going to affect them, it’s only going to stop you from starting afresh.
So, thinking about forgiving your ex, how would that feel?
What do you lose if you forgive? What do you gain?
How about forgiving yourself? Do you wonder if you could have done things differently? Turn over the ‘what if’s’ in the middle of the night?
What would it be like to just let it all go?
The past is the past. You can’t change it. What you can do is learn from it and put it behind you.
Some of the things I have learnt from my own ‘failed’ relationships are:
– I am strong
– I will survive (sounds like a song!)
– When the ‘shit hits the fan’ I can cope
– I found out who my true friends were
– I know what I want from life
I believe everything happens for a reason and my two past marriages have, in some ways, enriched my experience of life.
I spent a valuable five years on my own, learning to love and accept myself, deciding what I want from life. But, before I was able to do this I had to let go of the past, forgive and take responsibility for myself.
Once you’ve done this you can focus on the present and the future. You can decide what you want and take steps to achieve it.
Forgiveness gives you peace and increases your personal power. Continuing to blame someone takes a huge amount of energy and the only person you are hurting is you. Let go of these destructive emotions.