When I mention what I do (Divorce Coach) at networking events I am often told by women who have been divorced for a while that they have never been happier. The actual divorce is usually traumatic but once they take stock and settle into their new circumstances they rekindle old interests, develop their skills and find that there is much more to life than they thought!
The root of the problem seems to be that in most marriages one person compromises more than the other. This is often the woman but not always. It starts with having children; we reduce our hours or sacrifice careers so that we can care for our children ‘properly’. We feel that, as we are not working or only working part time, we should be responsible for cleaning the house and providing the meals. Slowly we become responsible for everything to do with the house and the children. We can lose our independence, our ‘sparkle’, our passion.
We compromise on our hobbies. There’s no time for hobbies when you’re running a house and looking after children! Although the other partner often doesn’t feel the need to give up their hobbies.
Going through a divorce reminds us of the things we have ‘given up’ for the marriage. Because the process of divorce forces us to be more independent and become stronger we are more likely to rekindle old interests and even make a new career around them.
I’ve met several people who are running their own business, doing something they love, and all because they got divorced and all of them tell me that they are happier than when they were married. Often they hadn’t realised there was anything missing in their marriage until they suddenly weren’t married anymore.
So, for those of you going through a divorce at the moment, take heart. There is life after divorce and it is very often a happier, more fulfilling life.