One of the biggest emotions people feel following a divorce is a sense of failure. Why is this? Why do we think we have failed if we can’t live with the same person forever? People change, lifestyles change. You could look at it a different way – deciding not to be together is not failing; it is evolving. In years gone by getting divorced was scandalous but times have changed and a huge percentage of marriages end in divorce. Anyway, who said that couples should stay together forever? Surely it is better to separate and be happy than stay together and be miserable.
I’m not saying that couples should give up at the first hurdle. I’m a firm believer that you have to work at marriage but I also believe that some marriages come to a natural end. I don’t think couples should give up easily I believe they should try to recapture the romance and they should definitely make sure they spend time talking to each other. It would be a tragedy if a good marriage ended simply because the couple were too busy to sit down and talk. However if the marriage can’t be repaired then what is wrong with letting it go? It is tough if one half of the couple doesn’t want to split up but usually once the shock has worn off that person builds a new and often happier life. How can you be truly happy if your partner is not? Holding on to bitterness and anger will only stop you from moving on so accept what has happened and get on with your life. This might sound harsh but it is true. Staying angry does not help you, it does not make you stronger it actually saps your strength and your ability to rebuild your life.
People say that divorce is unfair on the children but so is staying together for the sake of the children. Children are not stupid they know when their parents are not happy. The children will probably not be affected by divorce as much as you might think. After all, there is no stigma attached to divorce these days and as long as you continue to share parenting and both show them that you love them, there is no reason the children should suffer.
So, if you’re thinking that being divorced means that you have failed think again. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. Learn from your experience and work out what you would like from your next relationship.