Life goes on after divorce, and so does love but it can be difficult to determine how and when to start a new, healthy relationship. The first step is to make sure that you’re ready to date and that you don’t want a relationship for the wrong reasons. After going through any difficult life event, personal healing needs to precede the development of a romantic relationship, so use the following questions to analyze your readiness.
For each question, try to answer with a simple “yes” or “no,” then list several reasons why you chose the answer you did.
1. Are you able to spend time alone without feeling panicky or lonely?
2. Are you satisfied with your life?
3. Are you free of emotional baggage?
4. Would you be able to compromise in a relationship?
5. Do you have realistic expectations?
6. Do you know what you want in a relationship?
7. Do you know what you need?
8. Are you ready and available for commitment?
9. Are you healthy in mind, body, and spirit?
10. Is your financial and legal business handled?
11. Are your family relationships functional and healthy?
12. Do you have effective dating skills? Can you keep your physical and emotional distance enough to assess whether or not someone is right for you?
13. Do you have effective relationship skills? Can you break through emotional barriers, trust a new partner, and allow yourself to be vulnerable?
Determining Your Relationship Readiness
For any questions that were answered with a “no” or tentative “yes,” analyze the reasons behind your answers or your struggle to answer the question. Think about how to change these characteristics of your relationship readiness. For example, if you answered “no” to number three, determine what kinds of emotional baggage are holding you back. Then figure out a way to eliminate that baggage by talking to a counsellor, joining a divorce recovery support group, or letting your ex know how he or she hurt you. Taking the right steps toward becoming free of emotional baggage can bring you closer to being ready for a new relationship. If any of these questions trouble you or cause you to hesitate, be sure to address the underlying cause of your discomfort before starting the process of building a new relationship.
Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident education blogger and performs research surrounding College Scholarships. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.