Guest Post: Re-Tooling Your Life After Divorce: Establishing Goals and Needs

If you’ve gone, or are going through a divorce, then you’re already aware
that it’s one of the hardest things you can do in life. You hear all these
stories about two people who part on good terms but for the vast majority of
people this isn’t the case. They’re a messy, nasty, and painful business and
moving on with your life can be tough. There’s so much emphasis placed on
getting past what’s happened rather than trying to understand that nagging
question at the back of your brain that you’ve yet to answer: Why? Below are
some of the best coping mechanisms towards surviving and realizing, and
setting, some long-term goals for yourself.

Moving Out and Moving On:

Depending on your situation, you may be looking for a new place. If you are,
it’s important to realize that this isn’t a horrible thing. You may have to
pick a smaller place given the reduced income level but there are always storage facilities where you can
house things that you don’t have room for. One thing you don’t want to do is
squabble over possessions. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t fight for
precious heirlooms or items of particular importance but many people have a
tendency to fight over shared possession simply because it’s a way to take out
their frustrations on the other person. Don’t do this. A dining room table
isn’t worth it. Once the decision to get divorced has been finalized, the best
thing you can do is move out and move on as soon as humanly possible.

Finding Support:

Some, not all, people find solace in support
. Everyone is different in the way they deal with loss. There’s no
single strategy that eases the pain of loss that divorce brings. Some have said
that finding a support network really helped them out. It can show you that
there are other people going through the same thing that you are and it can
help build you up. This can be very helpful because, after all, going through a
divorce is like mourning the loss of a loved one. The loved one just happens to
be your old life. Support might be the right step for you but only you know the
answer to this question.

Dealing With the Reality:

Getting down to the bare-bones reality will finally help you establish where
you want your immediate future to go. So often, individuals will sit around and
brood and insist that their ex will be sorry they ever made the decision they
did. Or if you’re on the other end, you think they’ll come crawling back. This
is a part of the process but it’s unhealthy. You can’t dwell on that stuff. It
doesn’t help anyone and it simply enables you to live in a delusion.

Coming to terms with the loss and accepting will then enable you to start
thinking about yourself. It sounds bad to say but when you get divorced, it’s
really hard to switch your mind over to that of someone who’s now single. It’s
like being torn from one life, very suddenly, and placed in another. It’s a
huge adjustment that will take years, maybe less…maybe more, before you get over
it. You can’t put a time loss on it. Give it time and think long-term.

Bio:  Jess Wagner is an
experienced freelance writer with over 4 years of experience. Originally from
Poway, California, Jess Wagner graduated with a Bachelor’s in English from San
Diego State University. After college, Jess Wagner made downtown San Diego her home


1 Comment

Filed under Divorce, Divorce Support, Post Divorce

One response to “Guest Post: Re-Tooling Your Life After Divorce: Establishing Goals and Needs

  1. Divorce is such a painful experience..and most people that have experience it have a hard time moving on or going through it.
    The reality is that they have fear of the unknown and continue to live in fear,fear on what will happen after the ordeal.
    But thankfully,many people out there are willing to help those persons who experiencing divorce, and those experiencing it.There are also support groups and, articles like this…:)

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