Guest Post: Simple Words of Wisdom for the First Relationship after Divorce

If you’ve been through a divorce and are dating again, of course, your new relationship is sure to be very exciting.  But because you don’t want to make the same mistakes you made in the marriage that didn’t work out, getting back on the dating scene can also be a bit scary.  So to help guarantee that your next relationship is a successful one that doesn’t end with another broken heart and a broken home, take a relationship refresher course with a few simple words of wisdom:

It’s gonna be work.  You know how they say that nothing good comes easy?  Well this is especially true when it comes to relationships.  Sure, it’s always rainbows, hearts and butterflies on a stroll through the park in the beginning stages, but once the newness fades away, storm clouds are bound to roll in and rain on your love parade every once and a while.  No matter what the movies make you believe, no relationship is perfect…and it’s important to understand that the successful ones take work.

Most arguments arise from our own insecurities.  Arguing is a natural part of any healthy relationship—but many times we let our own fears or insecurities get the best of us and we tend to take them out on our partner.  So before you start throwing pots and pans or decide to take to your partner’s closet with a blow-torch, be sure to step back and make sure that you are really upset for the right reasons.

Anger is a waste of time.  When arguments pop up every now and then, do your best to keep anger at bay that might cause you to say or do something you might later regret.  Try to clearly communicate your feelings so that you don’t spend all of your precious time being mad and drag out useless arguments.  When it comes down to it, life is too short—don’t waste it being unhappy.

You are in charge of your own happiness.  Of course, a meaningful relationship is a part of a fulfilled life and has the ability to make you very happy…but you cannot rely on your partner as the sole provider of all of your happiness.  You are the only one responsible for that.  When you center your entire world around your partner, you risk the chance of everything falling apart if your relationship does—so reach outside of your relationship to find other parts of life that satisfy you and bring enjoyment.

You can’t change someone else.  The only person you have the power to change is yourself—not your partner.  When you love someone but force attitudes or behaviors that you believe are right upon them, you will do nothing put push this person away.  Instead, be clear and open about your expectations for your partner and the relationship while being accepting of who they are.  If you can’t, then cut your losses and spring for someone who has everything you want/need so you don’t have to mold them into your ideal image of a partner.  If you are with someone you are trying to change, they clearly aren’t right for you in the first place.

Treat your partner how you wish to be treated.  The golden rule is one that has been around forever and has been drilled into us since we were little—and it is especially useful when applied to grown-up relationships.  You get what you give…so treat your partner the same way that you wish to be treated.  It’s the most basic relationship rule and should always be practiced.

Be lovers and friends.  Some of the best relationships are those that are built upon strong friendships.  If your lover didn’t start out that way, then develop the kind of partnership that gives them the additional role as your best friend.  It might not sound so romantic, but for those that practice relationships based on the idea, they say it’s the glue that holds their relationship together through thick and thin.

Sabrina Jackson is a guest post contributor who enjoys sharing her relationship advice.  In addition, Sabrina also writes for Free Dating Sites where she offers her tips for safe dating practices on the internet.

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1 Comment

Filed under Divorce, Divorce Support, New relationship after divorce, Post Divorce, Relationships

One response to “Guest Post: Simple Words of Wisdom for the First Relationship after Divorce

  1. I am totally with this article to build a relationship first you should have a friendship relation which should so strong that no one can come into this relation. Then only you could have good relationship.

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