It might sound a bit dramatic but relationships unavoidably absorb and alter bits of your personality. Even the strongest of us have our tastes and opinions moulded by people we’ve been close to. Then, when you get divorced your friends and family are giving you advice about what to do next and what a horrible person your ex is. The best place to go for relationship advice is to someone who is impartial. Recovering from divorce is emotional and stressful and it can be hard to tell up from down, let alone which aspects of your life are truly yours.
Reconnect with your friends
This isn’t always easy. Perhaps many of your friends are still in relationships or building their family lives. You may’ve become isolated from your social group, for one reason or another, during your relationship. If you feel awkward about reaching out again, admit it; yes, you regret losing touch with your friends, and doing so may even be part of why your marriage didn’t work out, but you deeply regret the mistake and don’t want to repeat it. Good friends will support you, remind you who you are and what you’re about, while anyone who doesn’t may be best left behind.
Rediscover music you used to enjoy when single
Music, like scent, can resurrect a whole set of emotions with a few opening notes, and very easily attaches itself to eras and certain people. There might be some music you love that reminds you too strongly of your ex to bear listening to. Over time, the association will dwindle and you’ll be able to enjoy it again. In the meantime, stick to music that you’ve always enjoyed independently from your marriage. My favourite is New Order, who I started listening to as a teenager and which never became associated with one particular person or episode in my life.
Take yourself out on dates
You’ll get a lot of advice to avoid being alone too much after your divorce, but it’s important to realise that you can enjoy your own company, and that you can treat yourself well without relying on someone else to do it. All those things you wished your ex had done for or with you – going out for meals, to the cinema, buying flowers, matching underwear, cool books – you’d be amazed how liberating it feels to do these for yourself, without feeling resentful because someone else isn’t doing it for you.
Taking yourself out to see a film, with no company, may feel a bit intrepid or gawky, but getting over that insecurity is actually one of the most confident, emotionally empowering things you can do for yourself. I found myself sitting in the cinema, giggling away to myself; it was actually more fun than going with someone else, and feeling affected by whether or not they were laughing too. It’s certainly important to spend time with friends and family after a break up, but you’re good company too – remind yourself of that every now and again.
Author Bio. Carly Morson works with Greatvine, where you can talk on the phone with, and email, the country’s best experts, whenever you need advice. They have hand-picked leading specialists in over 100 topics – from breastfeeding and baby sleep to anxiety and depression, diet and nutrition, creative writing and even starting a business.