Category Archives: Communication

Guest Post: How to Help Children Through a Divorce

Although a divorce can be stressful for parents, it can be even more traumatic for children. During a divorce, children experience a range of emotions that can include sadness, anger and even relief. For many children, a divorce is their first experience with a life-altering event. For this reason, they may lack the knowledge and skills to be able to express their feelings. Additionally, many children feel guilty or will blame themselves for their parent’s separation. Therefore, the following ideas are designed to help any family that is facing divorce to be able to help their child to cope during this stressful time in their life.

1. Be honest – At first, it may be difficult to tell a child that their parents are going to have a divorce. However, children are often the first ones to realize when their parents are struggling. Therefore, parents should sit down with their children, and inform them about the divorce in a calm and honest manner.

2. Avoid sharing too much – While children deserve an honest answer, they do not always need to know about the details of the divorce. If the reason for a divorce will put one or both parents in a negative light, then it is best to simply say that they are unable to work out their differences.

3. Do not place blame – Young children often see the world in terms of either good or bad. Finding out that their parents are divorcing can cause them to wonder who is to blame. Parents who may be hurting at the time may also feel the need to blame the other parent. However, this will only lead to more anger and confusion in the child. Instead, parents should express that they are united in their decision to divorce.

4. Explain changes – Change is inevitable during a divorce. Explain to the child how the divorce will affect them. For example, as soon as it is determined, let the child know about custody and visitation arrangements. If a move is expected, then clearly explain when and where the child will be moving.

5. Keep communication open – One of the best things a parent can do during this time is to be available for their child to express their feelings. By keeping communication open, a child will feel as though they can talk about the things that they are going through. It is also important for parents to listen to their children without judging when they express negative emotions. Instead, they should calmly help their children to find appropriate ways of handling them.

When a child feels the support of both of their parents during a divorce, then they are more likely to emerge from the experience with a positive relationship in place with both of their parents. For this reason, it is best to practice honest and open communication in order to help children to find their place in their new family environment.

About the Author:  This guest post is contributed by Debra Johnson, blogger and editor of Liveinnanny.com.She welcomes your comments at her email Id: – jdebra84 @ gmail.com.

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Filed under Children and divorce, Communication, Divorce, Divorce Support

Guest Post: Life after Divorce: Your Legal Entitlements

Deaths and illnesses aside, divorces are considered to be of the most difficult and stressful periods in the life of a human being. The feeling of one’s life partner leaving in the midst of shouting, arguing and painful tension is antagonizing, while in many families the children’s suffering makes the situation much harder to bear. Therefore, the last thing that is needed is for the wounded party to find themselves embroiled in legal disputes and affairs. Unfortunately such turmoil is part and parcel of divorce and therefore the most we can do is learn the legalities.

The most important entity involved in a divorce is a child. For a woman who’s been granted custody of a child, it is her right to be supported with appropriate support payments. There are standardized family law guidelines set in place by different jurisdictions to ensure this.

In the event of the father having been granted custody of her child, a woman – as long as she’s a non-custodial parent – has the right to play a constant, regular and active role in the child’s life. It is considered the right of a child to have a relationship with both parents.

Depending on the particular circumstances of the former couple, the female may also be entitled to maintenance support, which was formerly known as alimony. This lasts for a set period of time.

An even-handed share of assets is also the legal right of a woman after a divorce. However, this also includes debts.

In the majority of circumstances, the woman will be granted custody of the child. However, in the advent of the women being unfit for parenthood, the father will be granted custody. The specifications that render one to be unfit for parenthood vary, but are mainly detailed around being able to prove one is capable of sufficiently and safely providing for the child.

If the mother has been granted custody, the father has the right to take up an active, regular and constant role in the life of the child. Certain decisions based around the child, such as that of education and health will be the right of the father also.

Financially, the man must equitably share his assets and in the advent of the male being judged as being able to regenerate his finances quicker and easier than the women, may receive less.

With regards to property rights, much will depend on how the property is owned and whether it is in joint names. It can also depend on any prenuptial or co-habiting agreement taken up when the property was acquired. However, you should never be forced out of a house, even if it belonged fully to your partner.

A word of advice…

Both partners are strongly advised to – if able – seek the help of a solicitor upon engaging in a divorce.

Author Bio:  Marcus Levy is a freelance British writer and law graduate from the London School of Economics (LSE).

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Filed under Children and divorce, Communication, Divorce, Divorce Support, Legal entitlements after divorce USA

Guest Post: How to Talk To Your Ex after Divorce

It is an unfortunate fact that after divorce you’ll often be unable to avoid your ex completely. There can be many reasons for this, including children, finances, friends, in-laws, etc. etc.

The truth of the matter is that you and your ex shared a significant part of your life together and will always have that in common. So erasing them after divorce isn’t really possible.

Divorce is an emotional experience, and it is important not to let it ruin a significant part of your life or embitter you to life ahead. It is important to accept the fact that divorce is real, final and understandable.

Even more important is understanding and accepting that you will not be able to completely cut your ex out of your life, especially if you share children. So, there will always be the need to communicate in some fashion with your ex. Here are some quick tips to help you when you have to talk to your ex after divorce, and are uncomfortable with the situation.

1)      Be professional

Everyone knows what is and isn’t appropriate in a professional atmosphere. The best bet for successfully dealing with your ex, especially immediately after divorce, is if you act as professional as possible.

Don’t bring up emotional topics, talk about your personal life, ask for advice, or even ask them how they’re doing. What good can come of it? If they seem happy, it just serves to make you angrier and more bitter. If they’re sad it can cause guilt, anger, sadness and confusion. And if they rebuff you it can be emotionally devastating. So, stay professional, at the very least until the raw emotions start to fade.

2)      Be respectful

Unless you had an extremely amicable splitting, this will more than likely be a struggle. But it’s important to invest in moving forward with your life. A large piece of this will be learning to put the past behind you, moving forward, and being able to deal humanely with your ex. This means respectful communication.

This combines naturally with being professional. Even if it’s just an exterior you originally have to project, it will help in your communication with your ex. Eventually it will hopefully become less of a façade and truly the way you interact with your ex.

3)      Be confident

Often people categorize divorce as failure, and that failure with shame. There’s no reason for this however; it’s human nature to grow and change. And as unfortunate as it is, sometimes people grow apart. Don’t fall into the trap of guilt or shame during or after a divorce—these feelings are completely unproductive and only serve to hurt your future growth.

Being confident is an extremely important part of learning to communicate with your ex. Whether your divorce ended on friendly terms or not, more than likely you know enough about each other to push buttons. Being confident in your interactions can help you resist the urge to play these games, and hopefully give you the strength needed if they resort to less-than-adult tactics such as these.

4)      Be independent

Independence after divorce is rough. It can be a serious struggle to accept the official distance between you and your ex, and the new role you find yourself in. But, it is important to accept your new life, in which independence plays a large part.

It can be tempting to search for a new relationship with which to fill your time, and is often natural. However, you should resist this until you’ve learned to be completely independent.

Similarly, independence is extremely important when dealing with your ex. There can be temptation to return to the familiar. Everyone has felt that shortening of distance when dealing with an ex. It can be hard to believe and understand life after your marriage. But independence is important in maintaining normal, rational, productive and healthy communication with your ex—not to mention moving forward with your new life.

5)      Be brief

Brevity is vital in early stages of communication with your ex. More than likely you will find yourself stressed, frustrated, angry, or bitter when you first begin talking to your ex again. If you’re being overwhelmed by these feelings, make the conversation brief. Even if they don’t understand, you need to do what’s right for you.

Practicing common sense will help you talk to your ex after divorce successfully. The problem is that emotions tend to override more practical feelings, clouding judgment and leading to further problems. Your best bet to help prevent this is communicating in a professional, respectful, confident, independent, and brief manner.

Remember that no matter how hurt, upset, mad, or bitter you are about your divorce it will get better. And like it or not, you’ll probably have to continue to deal with your ex in the future—especially if there are children involved. Civility is important, and should be practiced as much as possible.

Author Bio:  Alan Brady is a passionate blogger who loves to share his personal experiences concerning divorce, his daughters, and being a single parent. He is a freelance writer for the divorce lawyer locator, attorneys.com.

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Filed under Children and divorce, Communication, Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, self-esteem

Guest Post: A Blizzard of Paperwork: Unifying Your Divorce Documents While Dissolving Your Marriage

It seems unfair. At a time in your life when you are probably least capable of concentrating on paperwork and dry legal documents, your attorney or your soon-to-be-ex’s attorney is demanding yet another proof of something-or-other. How are you supposed to get this stuff together when the rest of your life is about dividing things apart?

Documents required for a divorce range from your marriage license to tax returns and documentation of everything you own together: mortgages, deeds, car titles, insurance policies, checking account records, other bank records and retirement plans…and this is a partial list. Ask your attorney for the checklist used by his or her practice or find a generic list of required documents on the Internet and start there.

The Importance of Organization

Without some planned organization, you are going to be overwhelmed very quickly with the amount of paperwork you receive from your attorney, not to mention those requests from your spouse’s attorney to fill out information forms or submit documents. All of the aspects of organization give you a better sense of your case, greater familiarity with the documents and contribute a more credible testimony in court if it comes to that.

There are three major reasons not to let this amount of paperwork and information overwhelm you. First, organization of these records gives you a psychological advantage: you feel more like you have some control over the situation and less at the mercy of the process. Second, yes you can just dump everything into a cardboard box and drop it off at your lawyer’s office, but someone is going to organize it and do you really want to pay the hourly paralegal charges to do so? Finally, being organized can lead to a greater or more equitable share of the marital assets.

Gaining Control of Documents

Divorce attorneys, therapists, counselors and anyone who’s been through the process all recommend that you get and stay organized throughout the process. Whether you use an online file sharing service, an accordion file, a file cabinet, folders, or one of those large binders, start labeling and sorting and organizing.

Many of the documents you’ll need must be officially notarized copies. Some suggest that you keep two copies of everything: one organized where you can find it and a second unfiled, in a nearby but-not too-nearby plastic bin. I’d suggest a paper copy to visually review your organization and a scan, store and file-share program to keep copies for yourself or your attorney’s office.

If you are going through a divorce (or foresee one in your not-so-distant future), remember that organization is the key to a smooth, relatively problem-free process. By making an effort to properly organize your necessary paperwork and convey the information accurately to all parties involved, you can make what is usually a painful, heartwrenching time of life into something manageable. When you also consider that technological advances such as file sharing and email make it to where you don’t have to see your soon-to-be ex in order to convey necessary information, you will soon come to see this as a win-win situation.

Author Bio: Felicia Baratz is a freelance writer and graphic designer living in Indianapolis, IN. As a contributor to eatbreatheblog.com, she touches on green innovations and practices like green moving and transportation.

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Filed under Communication, Divorce, Divorce Support, Post Divorce

Guest Post: To Be Friends or Not To Be Friends after Divorce

There are hundreds of complications and new hurdles that come with divorce, one of them being the matter of friendship with your ex after the divorce. Many people have strong opinions on the topic and have their own reasoning. However, when it comes to life post-divorce and the subject of friendship you need to make the decision on your own. Here are a few things to ponder before doing so:

To be friends:

If you decide to remain friend you firstly need to define what being ‘friends’ with your ex entails. Does this mean you are just cordial when in each other’s presence? Does it mean you are Facebook friends who occasionally ‘like’ each other’s statuses? Or does it mean you meet for coffee every now and then? Exes who decide to stay friends should have strict guidelines to follow; boundaries need to be set to prevent that friendship going sour. A good reason to remain friends is to reassure the kids. If you have children, acting as friends in front of them will help the process for them. Another reason to stay friendly is that people who choose to remain friends typically have an easier, more mutual divorce than those who didn’t.

Not to be friends:

It’s okay not to be friends. Nowhere does it say in the ‘Handbook of Divorce’ that you have to remain friends with your ex. There are plenty of reasons you don’t want or have to be friends with your ex. Those who to choose not to be friends choose it because it is easier just to cut everything off and move on. Keeping your ex as a friend could hinder the moving on process for either party. Sometimes it’s too painful to hang on to that person, it’s best to let go and move on.

The decision is ultimately your decision. You need to do what is best for you. To figure out what is best be honest with yourself and answer questions like these:

  • Will this hurt or help me?
  • Am I ready to be friends?
  • What will happen when I date or if they date?
  • What will my friendship mean?
  • What will a non-friendship mean?

Once you have answered these questions and weighed your options, speak with your ex. Be sure that you agree what your friendship or non-friendship means. You both need to be on the same page and understand the boundaries.   You are divorced because being married has proven not to be the best for you, do what will continue and strengthen you on that path.

Author Bio:  Heather Smith is an ex-nanny. Passionate about thought leadership and writing, Heather regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting blogs/websites. She also provides value to the become a nanny website by giving advice on site design as well as the features and functionality to provide more and more value to nannies and families across the U.S. and Canada. She can be available at H.smith7295@gmail.com.

 

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Filed under Children and divorce, Communication, Divorce, Divorce Support, Post Divorce, Relationships

Guest Post: How to Keep Your Mutual Friends after Divorce

After divorce has ravaged the happy marriage that you once shared with the now-former Mr. or Mrs., you have to go through the unpleasant process of splitting up your belongings. When doing this, struggles often arise when it comes time to decide who gets the home, furniture, finances and other assets. But what about your brigade of best buds—who gets them in the divorce? Well, if you have mutual friends that neither you nor your ex-spouse are willing to forfeit, the good news is that you both can maintain these friendships! Here’s how it’s done:

Tip #1: Refrain from talking about your ex/divorce. If you talk about your ex-wife or husband in a negative way, it may feel good to drag their name through the mud at the time, but you may regret it later because you can’t be sure that what you say won’t get back to them (most likely you don’t want your ex to have the satisfaction of knowing that you even care to mention their name). And don’t expect your friends to jump in on the trash talk—these people are just as much your ex’s friends as they are yours. Of course you want to vent about the troubles that are weighing on your mind regarding the split, but surely there’s someone else you can talk to other than the mutual friends you have with your ex. Instead, confide in a friend or family member who is 100 percent loyal to you.

Tip #2: Make an effort to stay in contact. It can be difficult to maintain friendships with people who are also closely connected to your ex—especially because these friends may tend to remind you of happier times with your former flame. However, if these friends are especially important in your life, then you’ve got to make the effort to keep in touch with them. It is tough starting over without your spouse, but your friends will understand if you need a little time to yourself before getting back into your old activities with them.

Tip #3: Wait before bringing around a new love interest. If you are seeing someone new after your divorce—that is great! But understand that the divorce may have been upsetting for your friends too—and if it’s soon after the divorce, it may be difficult for them to see you with someone else right away; they might feel that you are betraying their other friend (your ex). Be sensitive to the possibility of such a reaction and give your new relationship some time to develop on more solid ground before introducing the girlfriend or boyfriend to the mutual pals you have with your ex.

Tip #4: Don’t assume you’re the only one invited to gatherings. If you and your ex-spouse have the same group of friends, don’t assume that you’re the only person who is still close with this group. Many friends won’t want to have to deal with the dilemma of deciding between the two of you and if there is some sort of event or gathering taking place, there is a heightened chance of running into your ex. So depending on what kind of terms the two of you are on, this is a situation that has the potential for some serious awkwardness. See if you can avoid it by finding out beforehand whether or not your ex will also be in attendance so that you can prepare yourself emotionally for the run-in or politely decline the invitation.

 

Sabrina Jackson is a guest post author who focuses her writing on helping people struggling with divorce. In addition, Sabrina also writes for Black Dating Sites where she offers advice to singles for how to make the most out of their online dating experiences.

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Guest Post: 5 Tips about Facebooking after Divorce

It may seem trivial but believe it or not Facebook has a lot of power in your personal life. The rule of the thumb these days, if it’s on Facebook it must be true!  People can misconstrue your posts, pictures and comments. You know by now you want to keep your divorce pain free much as possible. Here are few to keep in mind before jumping online:

Unfriend

Even though you want to take the higher road, it’s best to ‘unfriend’ your former spouse. You may be on amicable terms but allowing he/she to see your personal life isn’t smart and vice versa. Seeing photos of your ex out and about with a new person could hurt you or again vice versa. Once you unfriend avoid blocking them. Blocking on Facebook completely hides your profile. In some cases you may need to do this, but if you can avoid it, don’t do it. Blocking them will only make you seem either uncomfortable or childish in their eyes.

Don’t air your dirty laundry

No matter how much they annoy, frustrate or hurt you, do not mention his or her name or make any references toward them on your page. As soon as you do, it is out there for everyone to see and most likely will be reported right back to your ex, causing unnecessary drama. Most likely everyone knows what happened or at least ‘think’ they know what happened. There are two sides to every story. No need to air your dirty laundry, it’s best to move on and not mention it.

Hold off on making it FBO

Once you start dating and enter a new relationship after your divorce hold off on making it “FBO”, Facebook Official. This means that on your Facebook profile you are linked to your new mates Facebook profile page as well. No matter how the divorce ended it’s best to hold off until you are 100% confident in your new relationship, whether that is 6 months or a year. Many instances, divorcees get into their new relationship and moments later it ends. Be wary of making it FBO, if you break up, everyone knows and people start talking. Take your time.

Picture time

Whether you have one photo of your ex or 42 albums of you and your ex. It’s time to start taking them down. You don’t have to delete them but take them down from Facebook viewers. It is a long process but remember you can use the security settings to hide them from the rest of the pubic and Facebook friends. If children are involved and they are on Facebook, keep in mind it may hurt them to see you take down a photo of them with their parent. Discuss it with them before making a move.

Kids

Whether or not your child is on Facebook, keep in mind that their friends are. Do not do anything that could cause question or concern. Keep your Facebook posts, comments and pictures light and positive. Your children are very sensitive during this time, anything you post can be seen in so many different ways in their eyes. Facebook with care and caution.

 

Author Bio.  Mary Edwards is one of the contributors and editors for best dating sites. She is passionate about thought leadership writing, regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting and online dating community. She can be reached at edwardsmary936 AT gmail.com.

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Filed under Children and divorce, Communication, Divorce, Divorce Support, Post Divorce, Relationships