Category Archives: Confidence after Divorce

Guest Post: How to Dump your Divorce Depression

Divorce is a painful period of life for most couples. Many individuals are unable to deal with the failure of a relationship. They hold themselves responsible for the failure of their marriage. It is natural to feel depressed, but you need to learn to get yourself out of this depression, so that you can continue living your life. It is important to understand divorce, but it does not mean the end of your life. Due to a failed relationship you may lose your confidence, feel low all the time, and feel bogged down. Divorce not only affects your personal life, but your professional life as well, if you do not take required steps to dump the divorce depression.

It is essential to deal with depression and move ahead in life. Therefore, I have listed here some pointers that would help you to dump divorce depression.

  • Feel better about yourself: You tend to feel low after your divorce. Low self confidence and low self-esteem is observed in people, who have recently been through divorce. Things did not work between you and your spouse that does not mean that any of your future personal and profession relationships would not work. A small effort that you need to take to get rid of depression is to make yourself feel better by listing down 5 to 10 things about yourself that you like. During such depressing time, you might find it difficult to jolt down these points. You can get help from your close friends or family members to list good things about you. Write all the good things about you on a piece of paper and paste it on your study table or next to your bed, so that you can read them as and when possible and feel elated.
  • Plan your work: Even though you have been through a divorce and just feel like mourning for few days it is important for you to deal with your daily responsibilities. Due to the case proceedings, you might not have got time to complete various house-hold tasks, so it is recommended to make a list of those tasks. Along with the pending work, jot down the tasks that you need to complete in the coming week and month. Make sure that you put a deadline for each task and start completing it. This will help you keep busy; thereby avoiding unnecessary tension due to pending tasks.
  • Maintain diary: At times you feel that life has been unjust to you, but it vital to have gratitude for the little good things that we ignore in our life. During these testing times your friends might have stood by you. Your sibling or parents must have helped you to step your life again or might have paid a visit to check your well-being. It is important to appreciate these good deeds and feel positive. You can start maintaining a dairy, which you can fill with stories about people’s good deeds. This will help you to gain positive energy, feel happy, and appreciate life the way it is.
  • Be close to nature: In our busy schedule, we hardly get anytime to be close to nature. Being close to the concrete jungle, working 16 to 18 hours a day, eating junk food makes us feel low. You do not have to spend too much to be close to nature; all you need to do is visit the nearby park or beach for a morning or evening walk. It will help you to feel refreshed and forget your worries.
  • Get profession help: It is important to understand that depression is a mental disease and even after several attempts to get rid of it, if you feel extremely depressed then is the right time for you to visit a counselor. Consult your close ones and find out about a good post-divorce counselor. Getting professional help at the right time will help you to deal with depression and look forward to life after divorce.

Depression after divorce is inevitable, but if you are determined to take efforts to deal with it and enjoy your life, then you can look forward to a joyous life filled with wonderful moments to cherish.

Author Bio:  Hello, My name is Rose Morin. I am freelance writer. I have write on providing divorce tips such how to file divorce papers. My article shows different topics like men and women relationships, free tips on getting cheap divorce, various divorce forms, edivorceinflorida etc.

 

1 Comment

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: Ways to find your confidence again after a divorce

Your divorce is not only the end of one chapter of your life, but also the beginning of another. As you close the door on your marriage, you may be experiencing feelings of rejection from your ex or worrying about how you’re going to move forward on your own. Take the time to find your confidence again. That attractive, confident, funny and lighthearted person is still there. You might just have to make a few changes to regain that side of yourself.

Reach out to friends

Although you’ll probably want some time to yourself after your divorce, be sure to reach out to your friends during this time. Surround yourself with people you enjoy and, if you need or want to, some new friends as well. Ask your existing friends to make introductions start an activity, like going to a yoga class or attending a class at a community center, to meet new people. Have a few close friends you can talk with about your difficulties after a divorce, but try to keep things positive with most of your friends. Above all, you want to feel like you have a normal life again.

Re-evaluate your look

You may have paid less attention to your appearance while you were married, especially in the midst of a divorce. Now is the time to be real about what you look like and make any changes you feel you need. Maybe your wardrobe hasn’t been updated in a few years; if so, some new clothes can make you look and feel great. A little nip and tuck can help you regain your confidence as well. Consider a non-invasive facelift to help you feel more like yourself. No matter the changes you make, focus on highlighting who you are, not changing and trying to be someone else.

List the positives

Sometimes getting your confidence back is as simple as remembering what you like about yourself. After hearing exaggerations of your negative characteristics from your ex, it can be hard to remember you’re a wonderful person. Take the time to make a list of what you enjoy about yourself. If you want, you can even ask friends what they would add to the list. Reminding yourself about your good qualities on a regular basis can help boost your self-esteem during a difficult time.

Start dating again

Dating isn’t something to jump into right away, but often going on a few dates can help you regain your confidence. You’ll get to meet some interesting people, get out your jitters and maybe even find someone you really connect with, even if you don’t feel ready for a relationship just yet. Dating is also a great way to get out and enjoy the attractions your city has to offer.

Regaining your confidence after going through a divorce isn’t something that happens immediately for everyone, but focusing your attention in some key areas can help speed up the process. The most important thing to remember is that you aren’t defined by your divorce. You’re a unique, interesting person with friends, hobbies, passions and a life of your own.

Author Bio: Felicia Baratz is a freelance writer and graphic designer living in Indianapolis, IN. As a contributor to eatbreatheblog.com, she touches on green innovations and practices like green moving and transportation.

2 Comments

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Post Divorce

Guest Post: 5 Ways to Manage Your Heartache

There is no recipe, no remedy to heal the pain of a broken heart. There is no time table or magic wand to take away the sadness. Heartache comes in all shapes, sizes and lengths. Divorce is never easy even if you are the one that wanted it more, it still hurts. Here are a few ways to help you muddle through the ache:

Keep busy: The best advice anyone has ever given a broken heart is to keep busy. That means taking each day and filling it with things to do. Your main focus on keeping busy is to get your mind off of the pain and focused onto something better. Pick up a that hobby that you have always wanted to do, take music lessons, volunteer once a week with those less fortunate and exercise daily. These little activities will give your heart and soul something positive to look forward too. So start filling up your schedule and keep busy.

Friends: During this hard time you may experience the feeling of not wanting to be around anyone but that will not help your situation. Set up fun dates with your friends once a week, again this is something that will give you something to look forward too. Laughing is the best medicine sometimes and a night with your friends will help you laugh again.

Don’t dwell: Your goal is to get in the right mindset and to keep positive. It is so easy to think about your sadness and question yourself with all the “what if’s” and “what could have been’s”, but you have to stop your brain from wandering down that lonely path. You are the only person responsible for how you feel. If you want to feel happy you can, you just have to choose to be. It is okay to have moments every now and then where you just break down and cry but don’t let it become a daily habit.

Exercise: There is only so much pain, anger and sadness that one person can handle. It is sometimes overwhelming to figure out how to express and get rid of all that. This is where exercise comes in handy. Not only will you be burning calories but also stress. Any former heartach-ee will tell you that daily exercise was therapeutic in their healing process.

Seek Help: There is only so much our loved ones can help us with. It is wise to seek help from a professional who can help you deal with your emotions. There are many different kind counselors and therapists who are trained in helping their clients through times like these.

Time heals all wounds, it may take weeks, months or even years but you can get through it. All you need to do is to make time to be happy, keep busy and talk about it with a professional. Take each day at a time and remember that this too shall pass.

Author Bio:  Nancy Parker was a professional nanny and she loves to write about wide range of subjects including  Health, Parenting, Child Care, Babysitting, Nanny, etc. You can reach her at: nancy.parker015 @ gmail.com

Leave a comment

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Post Divorce

Guest Post: Finding Strength Following a Divorce

Divorce can leave you feeling as if you are riding an emotional rollercoaster. You may not recognize yourself as a newly single person and may feel lost in a sea of unfamiliar emotions. Recovery seems impossible; life lacks focus. However, it is possible to recover from divorce and live a long, happy life. You may be hurting now, but following a few guidelines will help lessen the pain and lead you on the path to recovery. The following guidelines may offer you comfort and hope as you navigate this difficult journey through divorce.

1. Life will go on—No matter how tempting it is to just stay in bed, get up and get dressed every morning. Your life will go on.

2. Let yourself grieve—Divorce is not only the ending of a marriage, but also the ending of a lifestyle. It is important to grieve this loss. Coming to terms with this loss will evoke lots of emotions. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, no matter how difficult they may be.

3. Seek professional help—A good counselor or therapist can help you sort through the difficult and sometimes confusing emotions you are about to encounter. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

4. Reinvent yourself—Take some time to learn about yourself. Investigate your favorite past times, reinvent your personal sense of style, or invest in trying a new hobby. Discover who you are now, as a survivor of divorce.

5. Reconnect with your friends—A strong support system is imperative to a healthy healing process. It is common for people experiencing feelings of anger, hurt, or resentment to act irrationally. Your friends can listen to you vent while keeping you from doing or saying something you will regret later.

6. Rework your finances—Attorney and court fees will add up quickly and you may find yourself in a difficult financial situation once the assets have been divided. Bankruptcy after a divorce is very common; find yourself a trustworthy financial advisor to investigate and rebuilt your finances to adequately suit your needs as a newly single person.

7. Take Time—You may be tempted to jump into action by making large financial decisions, making drastic changes in work, or diving into the dating scene. Remember that you are grieving and take time to heal. Don’t make any decisions fueled by emotion—that fuel may be toxic in the future.

It is difficult to look past the pain you are feeling immediately following a divorce, but there is hope on the horizon. Be careful not to rush; Divorce takes time, healing takes longer! Embrace this time of reinventing yourself and enjoy the discovery process–you will be a stronger person once you understand what you have survived, understand who you are, and embrace your single future.

Author Byline:  Kelsey is the editor in chief for Find a Nanny. She loves to write article and ideas that parents & nannies would be interested in hearing. She helps society on giving information about nannies through Find a Nanny. She is a professional writer & loves writing on anything.

1 Comment

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: Celebrate your new beginning with a divorce party

Finalizing a divorce not only marks the end of one stage of your life, but also the beginning of another. Being done with the nitty gritty details of divisions of property and other legal red tape will definitely lift a weight off your shoulders. Chances are you’ll be ready to kick back and relax with the people who have been your friends and support network throughout the process. Celebrate the beginning of a new chapter of your life by throwing a divorce party!

Setting the stage

A divorce party can be as simple or as elaborate as you’d like, but it should definitely include several components integral to any good party. Tunes are a must, so hook up your iPod to your stereo and choose a playlist of songs that make you happy. Food and drinks give you a chance to celebrate, and if you want, indulge a little. Don’t be afraid to serve and sample some rich foods; you can always resume eating more healthily tomorrow.

Decorations set the stage and should reflect your personality. Is there any part of you that you felt was getting suffocated in your marriage? Celebrate it at your divorce party. Maybe you decide to decorate with memorabilia your spouse didn’t care for, hosting a barbecue instead of eating vegetarian or simply decking out the house in flowers your ex was allergic to. Whatever you choose, be sure it reflects the self you are becoming or perhaps rediscovering.

Inviting your pals

One of the most difficult things about a divorce is that it may force many of the friends you and your ex had as a couple to choose sides. A divorce party is your chance to solidify the group of friends who will be going forward with you into your new chapter of life. A get-together with your support system is also a chance to get to know people better so you can fill in gaps in your social circles.

If you’re a social butterfly, chances are you’ll want to throw a big bash with everyone you can think of. If you’re more of an introvert, you may want to just invite your closest friends so you can feel comfortable and let your guard down at your party. It doesn’t matter if you throw a kegger or watch old movies with your best friend; do what you enjoy and what will make you feel good as you move forward with your life.

Activities for your divorce party

It’s up to you how you want to celebrate your new beginning, but there are several activities that commonly show up at divorce parties. Pick and choose from the ones that most appeal to you and don’t be afraid to invent your own fun:

  • As an icebreaker, have each guest pretend to be a famous divorced person and spend some time mingling and trying to guess who each one is pretending to be. Enjoy getting into character!
  •  Burn a copy of your marriage certificate as a symbolic way to express the dissolution of the marriage. Make sure it’s a photocopy. Divorced or not, you may need to send proof of your marriage to offices like the Social Security Administration to receive benefits from your ex.
  • Invite guests to give toasts to the future. Say goodbye to the past and don’t dwell on it.
  • Have everybody, including you, write down ideas of things for you to do now that the divorce is final. Put these all in a basket or jar that you can reference for future inspiration. Maybe you want to take up yoga, learn how to cook, move to a different city or change your career. Get inventive!

Moving forward after a divorce is a process and it’s helpful to have a milestone to mark the beginning. A healthy support network is vital. Make your party your own and don’t be afraid to include components that will be meaningful or freeing, if only to you.

Author Bio: Felicia Baratz is a freelance writer and graphic designer living in Indianapolis, IN. As a contributor to eatbreatheblog.com, she touches on green innovations and practices like green moving and transportation.

2 Comments

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: How to Talk To Your Ex after Divorce

It is an unfortunate fact that after divorce you’ll often be unable to avoid your ex completely. There can be many reasons for this, including children, finances, friends, in-laws, etc. etc.

The truth of the matter is that you and your ex shared a significant part of your life together and will always have that in common. So erasing them after divorce isn’t really possible.

Divorce is an emotional experience, and it is important not to let it ruin a significant part of your life or embitter you to life ahead. It is important to accept the fact that divorce is real, final and understandable.

Even more important is understanding and accepting that you will not be able to completely cut your ex out of your life, especially if you share children. So, there will always be the need to communicate in some fashion with your ex. Here are some quick tips to help you when you have to talk to your ex after divorce, and are uncomfortable with the situation.

1)      Be professional

Everyone knows what is and isn’t appropriate in a professional atmosphere. The best bet for successfully dealing with your ex, especially immediately after divorce, is if you act as professional as possible.

Don’t bring up emotional topics, talk about your personal life, ask for advice, or even ask them how they’re doing. What good can come of it? If they seem happy, it just serves to make you angrier and more bitter. If they’re sad it can cause guilt, anger, sadness and confusion. And if they rebuff you it can be emotionally devastating. So, stay professional, at the very least until the raw emotions start to fade.

2)      Be respectful

Unless you had an extremely amicable splitting, this will more than likely be a struggle. But it’s important to invest in moving forward with your life. A large piece of this will be learning to put the past behind you, moving forward, and being able to deal humanely with your ex. This means respectful communication.

This combines naturally with being professional. Even if it’s just an exterior you originally have to project, it will help in your communication with your ex. Eventually it will hopefully become less of a façade and truly the way you interact with your ex.

3)      Be confident

Often people categorize divorce as failure, and that failure with shame. There’s no reason for this however; it’s human nature to grow and change. And as unfortunate as it is, sometimes people grow apart. Don’t fall into the trap of guilt or shame during or after a divorce—these feelings are completely unproductive and only serve to hurt your future growth.

Being confident is an extremely important part of learning to communicate with your ex. Whether your divorce ended on friendly terms or not, more than likely you know enough about each other to push buttons. Being confident in your interactions can help you resist the urge to play these games, and hopefully give you the strength needed if they resort to less-than-adult tactics such as these.

4)      Be independent

Independence after divorce is rough. It can be a serious struggle to accept the official distance between you and your ex, and the new role you find yourself in. But, it is important to accept your new life, in which independence plays a large part.

It can be tempting to search for a new relationship with which to fill your time, and is often natural. However, you should resist this until you’ve learned to be completely independent.

Similarly, independence is extremely important when dealing with your ex. There can be temptation to return to the familiar. Everyone has felt that shortening of distance when dealing with an ex. It can be hard to believe and understand life after your marriage. But independence is important in maintaining normal, rational, productive and healthy communication with your ex—not to mention moving forward with your new life.

5)      Be brief

Brevity is vital in early stages of communication with your ex. More than likely you will find yourself stressed, frustrated, angry, or bitter when you first begin talking to your ex again. If you’re being overwhelmed by these feelings, make the conversation brief. Even if they don’t understand, you need to do what’s right for you.

Practicing common sense will help you talk to your ex after divorce successfully. The problem is that emotions tend to override more practical feelings, clouding judgment and leading to further problems. Your best bet to help prevent this is communicating in a professional, respectful, confident, independent, and brief manner.

Remember that no matter how hurt, upset, mad, or bitter you are about your divorce it will get better. And like it or not, you’ll probably have to continue to deal with your ex in the future—especially if there are children involved. Civility is important, and should be practiced as much as possible.

Author Bio:  Alan Brady is a passionate blogger who loves to share his personal experiences concerning divorce, his daughters, and being a single parent. He is a freelance writer for the divorce lawyer locator, attorneys.com.

5 Comments

Filed under Children and divorce, Communication, Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, self-esteem

Guest Post: Building up your self-confidence after a divorce

Building up your self-confidence after a divorce can be a formidable challenge but if you face it head on and work through it you’re going to do just fine. Take time for yourself and let the healing begin by following these easy steps to build up your self-confidence.

Forgive yourself

Forgiving oneself for a divorce is often a difficult task but it can be done. Remember that unless you forgive yourself you can’t move on with your life. Learn from your mistakes. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget, it simply means you let go of the pain and anger. Forgive yourself for any wrongs you have done in the relationship and vow never again to make the same mistakes.

Forgive your ex

No, that doesn’t mean your ex was right, it simply means you let go of the pain and anger and move on with your life. If you were cheated on, stop laying blame and let go of it. You don’t want a cheater anyway – you want someone you can trust. There is someone better in store for you in your life and when the time is right you’ll find them.

Move forward

Don’t live in the past. Move forward with your life. This is your time. Take this opportunity to go back to school, move to a new area or start a new career. Start your life over and create a new life with new memories. Do what’s best for you and don’t worry about what others think. It’s not their life, it’s your life and you deserve to live it just like you want to.

Talk with family and friends

You’re going to lose some friends and gain some friends through this divorce. Talk with those who care about you and let go of those who are judgmental and tell you how wrong you were. Get close to your good friends and family members who can help you or have been in a similar situation. Don’t worry about what your great aunt thinks or someone who doesn’t know you well, it’s not really their business, it’s yours and you are the one that must live your life.

Don’t be afraid to seek Counselling

Even the most planned divorce can cause undue emotional pain and trauma. If you’re finding yourself sinking into a depression, seek counselling and get yourself back on track. Everyone needs a little bit of help sometimes and there is no shame in getting this help.

Get up, get out and get moving

Don’t sit around bemoaning your situation, this is the perfect opportunity to start a new hobby or exercise class. You’ll make new friends and start living life again. Step out of your comfort zone and just do it. The first few times will seem awkward but before you know it you’ll be making new friends and having a great time.

Make new memories

Along with that new hobby, job or craft you’ll find yourself making new memories. Enjoy them and treasure them. In time your new memories will take over your pain and sorrow. You’ll look back and wonder what took you so long to start your life over or get rid of that ex of yours.

Building self-confidence takes baby steps. Each time you step out of your comfort zone you’re moving a step forward.

Author Bio:  Lynn works as a dating adviser for Lovestruck Hong Kong. Lynn has learned a lot about advising expats on the cultural differences when dating in Hong Kong for over 5 years and as learn a lot about her own relationships on the way.

2 Comments

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, New relationship after divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce, Relationships, self-esteem