Guest Post: Enjoy your first Solo trip to America after Divorce

After divorce, travelling on an organised solo holiday can deliver more than a great trip to your chosen destination. You set off alone but new friendships form quickly. Sharing the experiences of your adventure with likeminded people makes the trip special and it will stay with you for a lifetime.
Choosing Where To Go And What To Do

When you find yourself single again following divorce one of the hardest things can be sorting out a holiday, yet a holiday can also be one of the best ways to move on and get a fresh perspective on your life. A quick glance at the itineraries available for singles holidays will be enough to whet your appetite, inspire your holiday choice and help you make that daunting first step. Adventure comes in different forms for different people, from the white knuckle adrenaline rush of rafting trips to treks in any of the wonderful National Parks to city tours which embrace the history of the country. Whether it’s a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon, fun and games in Las Vegas or a classic road trip America is positively bursting with iconic holiday destinations to choose from; no wonder it is such a favourite with holiday makers from across the world. The excitement of travel will help shift your focus to the future.

New Adventure New Friends
By electing to travel with a specialist singles tour operator you will ensure that you share your adventure with people who also hold your idea of what makes a great holiday. The companionship, laughter and fun that go hand in hand with meeting new people in a relaxed setting add a special dimension to any singles holiday, especially if you are making your first trip since your divorce. Additionally by joining a group you also get peace of mind and security, making it possible to head to places you would never go alone. The tour operator takes care of travel and accommodation arrangements, making the trip stress free. So whilst you are away your will not be wasting any time that could otherwise be spent simply enjoying the trip. Tour leaders do more than take the hassle out of planning and arranging the trip. If this is your first time post-divorce holiday the idea of setting off alone can be quite scary, even if you are joining a group, but tour guides and leaders will always welcome everyone, introduce the party members to each other and easing everyone into a relaxed and happy frame of mind. Special singles adventure trips are available for short or longer periods of time so whether you just have time for a week away or are lucky enough to have more free time on your hands you will be able to find a trip to suit for you.

All in all singles travel is rewarding and exciting. There is no better destination than North and Central America with such a vast array of options. People set out as strangers but within just a week there are tears as new friends are saying goodbye at the end of the holiday of a lifetime.

Author Bio:  Jennifer Doherty writes regularly on travel subjects for a range of websites and blogs. She is single and enjoys the freedom that solo travelling delivers. She has most recently made a number of trips to North America with special singles tours from http://www.trekamerica.co.uk/adventure-holidays-for-singles.html

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Guest Post: Getting Through the Holidays

The holidays are coming up and when it’s is typically a fun time for most, this year it seems that you have a bad case of the winter time blues.  Whether you have children involved or not, it’s going to be a tough time. The holidays are a time when you are with your loved ones, laughing and creating many memories; it’s easy to get down.

We tend to focus on either the really good or the really bad during the holidays. We let our minds and hearts wander down memory lane, either reminiscing the good times or the really bad times. There is never a middle ground. It takes a lot of patience and talking to yourself to get your mind off of your ex.

You hear a song, see a gift, find his/her favorite ornament etc and the memories come flooding back. The best way to get through the holidays is to take the present by storm. Embrace this new holiday alone and make your own memories. Start a tradition that will make you happy, like seeing a Christmas play with friends, cutting down your own Christmas tree or going to holiday parties. Get rid of your old traditions that you had with your ex and make new ones.

Get busy and get moving. Rent the movies you want to see, make the food you want to eat, spend the holidays with those who make you laugh the most. Try new holiday cocktails or get lost in the busy shopping malls. Jump in to the holidays face first and don’t be afraid to go overboard.

There is no need to keep the hate or pain in your heart during the holidays or ever. Take a step back and look at the big picture. You may have had a few good times and a few really bad times together, but that is over now and you have loved and learned. Focus on the children, your friends and your family. Take deep breaths and when you find yourself feeling down, take a moment to yourself, think, let go and get back into the action of the holidays.

Keep busy and keep moving. Surround yourself with those who love you and all of you. Remind yourself of what is happening in front of you and not what you are missing out on. Get excited for the new and fresh start! It’s going to be fun and your new year is awaiting the new you! Happy holidays!

This guest post was provided by Allison Foster. She has a solid writing resume that includes blogging both personally and professionally and regular freelance writing and photography jobs. She has enjoyed furthering her writing career with http://www.nannyclassifieds.com/.

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Guest Post: The Upside of Divorce

Although you may feel like burnt trash after a divorce is finalized there is light at the end of the tunnel. You may feel like you’ve lost your soul, but then again, you could also breathe a sigh of relief. Regardless of the reasons behind your divorce, here are some good things you gain from the experience.

Flirting – Some people are just naturally flirtatious regardless but feel they cannot flirt while they are in a relationship.  After the divorce, there is no guilt about shamelessly flirting with your bank teller.  Flirting is fun.

My Way – While you were married there were probably behaviors and hobbies that you had to give up in order to make your spouse happy. Now you are single you can take up those hobbies again or find new ones.

Meal Times – No more compromising on menus for the household. There is a good chance that you and your spouse didn’t see eye-to-eye on some types of food. Now, you are able to enjoy whatever foods you like without argument.

Decor – While many couples are in unison when it comes to home decor, many are not. You may compromise your artistic abilities in order to make someone else happy, even though you’re not. Living alone allows you to express yourself without arguments about colors, patterns or styles.

Friends – A common complaint about being a couple is the lack of being around the friends they had prior to a relationship. It’s not often that your spouse will enjoy the company of your friends as much as you do.  Now you are divorced you can enjoy your friendships that you felt you had to quell.

Dating Again – There are few experiences in life that can match up to the exhilaration of a new relationship or meeting for the first time. Entering the dating scene provides the opportunity to experience new love all over again.

Responsibility – Outside of a divorce that involved children, being single again allows you to focus on yourself. The only one you need to be responsible for is yourself. This feeling can be very liberating.

In today’s world, divorce is quite common. As long as both parties gave it all they could the experience isn’t actually wasted. Like all mistakes in your life, this could be viewed as one that could help make you aware of your own faults in order to excel at your next relationship.

Author Bio:  Sara is an active nanny as well as an active freelance writer. She is a frequent contributor of http://www.nannypro.com/.

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Guest Post: 5 Questions to Ask Before Dating After Divorce

Everything changes after a divorce. After months of dealing with filings, proceedings and divorce attorneys, it becomes time to determine what your next steps will be.

This is an amazing opportunity for you to pursue exactly what you want out of life. Along with your interests and career, and your relationships with friends and your children, a new romantic relationship may be something you are interested in. Before you start dating after a divorce, ask yourself these five questions.

Am I ready to date again?

It’s the most obvious question, but it’s also the most important. Your friends and family may be urging you to date again. Their remarks about how you should “get back out there” may feel like minor comments to them, but that kind of social pressure can be stressful.

It is your decision when you start dating again. You are in charge of this incredible and unique journey that is your life, so don’t hand over that decision-making power to anyone else.

Jumping back into the dating scene right after a divorce can be difficult because you are still figuring out what your new life will look like. You’ll need to assess the commitments you’re already making:

  • Commitments to your children.
  • Commitments to your family and friends.
  • Commitments to your job.

Are you ready to balance a new relationship with your other commitments? Only you will know the answer. And it may take some time to figure that out.

How are my children handling the divorce?

You may be ready to date again, but if you have children with your ex you will need to consider what is best for them as well. Whether it has been a couple of years or only a short time since your divorce, your first new relationship will be a very big change for your children.

No matter the age, it is common for children to have some hesitation when you are dating a new person. They may still harbor feelings that you and your ex will get back together. A new relationship attacks that hopeful feeling.

You can start dating again, but be cautious about how your children meet and interact with this new person. Date for a while before introducing someone to your children. If you don’t see the relationship lasting long term, you shouldn’t expose your children to adults that won’t be sticking around. If you think the relationship is going somewhere, find a safe and comfortable situation to introduce your children. Communication is key; make sure your children understand why you’re dating again, and lead conversations about how it makes them feel.

What is my relationship with my ex like?

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. Divorces can be finalized before feelings are. You might need more time, and you can also consider a healthy dose of therapy after a divorce.

To give yourself a real chance with a new relationship, your heart has to be open to the possibility of a new love. If there is any chance you’ll be saying “My ex is just like that,” or “Do you know what my ex did?” you need some more time to work things through.

Am I confident?

All of the emotions during a divorce can put you in a place where you need to rebuild happiness and confidence. Consider it a great opportunity to become the person you want to me.

Finding your confidence after a divorce is a gradual process. With effort and a positive attitude, you can find the confidence you are seeking in time.

Don’t offer your date a version of yourself that you aren’t comfortable with—wait until you feel good about where you are. When you present yourself as the confident and wonderful person that you are, you can find the confident and wonderful relationship you deserve.

Is a new romantic relationship what you need?

Before turning to a new relationship, remember the other commitments you are making that we discussed above. Is there more you want out of those commitments? Love is a big word, and it encompasses more than just romantic relationships.

Continuing to build a strong relationship with your children can provide the happiness you may have expected to come from a new relationship. Reconnecting with friends can do the same. Being single is also a great time to pursue the career opportunities you may have put on hold during your marriage.

If you are honest with yourself about the above questions and have a positive outlook on your future, you will know when it is time to date again.

Author Bio: Jack is a freelance writer based in Seattle who spends his hours hopping between an ergonomic keyboard and an old school typewriter. You can reach Jack by leaving a comment or connecting with him on Twitter.

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Guest Post: How to Open Your Heart After a Divorce

Divorce isn’t fun. Whether it was your idea or your ex’s it’s a painful, time-consuming and often expensive process. However, one of the most difficult things about divorce can be learning to trust – and love – again.

If you’ve been married for a long time it can seem really odd to be in the dating phase of relationships again. Even if you weren’t the pain and difficulty of a divorce can cause you to do some very silly things that can cause additional pain to yourself and others. Here are some thoughts on how to open your heart after a divorce.

  • Take Your Time. When my divorce finalized all I could think about was rushing back into the dating scene. I wanted to find someone to undo the pain that my ex-husband had caused me, someone who could reassure me that I was beautiful, desirable and loveable. Fortunately, a wise friend advised me to take time away from dating to really heal and find my center. I’m deeply glad I took her advice. I needed the time to realize who I was and that I was worth treating well. This allowed me to enter into a healthy relationship with a man who respected me, which was a far cry from my former marriage. In a similar way, taking time will help you remember who you are and what your true value is, allowing healthy future relationships.
  • Don’t Compare. As a newly-single person, it can be easy to compare your life to others who seem to have it much easier than you do. You can find yourself becoming negative and badmouthing other relationships. A good friend of mine has a saying ‘the grass is always greener on the other side, but you don’t have to water it’. In other words, you don’t know the work that goes into other people’s relationships, and you certainly don’t know the dark side of what dirt there is under the surface. Don’t compare yourself or your relationships to others. Nothing good comes of it.
  • Find Support. A support group, an online site like this one, or close friends in your area can be invaluable after a divorce. I leaned heavily on my family after my divorce, especially because the timing coincided with me graduating college and changing my social friendships. I also participated in my faith community and found a lot of support there. Wherever you are able to find the support, make sure that it is uplifting and positive. The type of support where you badmouth your ex or do nothing but complain about relationships will not help you heal or move forward.
  • Ease Back Into Social Activities. Although some of your friends may want to take you out right after your divorce let them know if you need more time. Ease into the social scene – in particular you may want to start with activities that do not have a singles context. Go to a play, a concert, or a comedy show. Find a group that has an interest you enjoy, whether it’s knitting or fantasy football. Start to reconnect with people of both genders in neutral situations and move into dating when the time feels right.

A divorce is messy and painful. It can do a number on our self-esteem and our ability to relate with others. However, if you take your time, avoid comparisons, find support, and ease back into social activities you’ll be well on your way to opening your heart once again.

Author Bio:   Steph Potter is a freelance writer, mother, and an active runner. After her first marriage ended, she meditated, spent time with supportive friends, and participated in online  psychic readings by Psychic Source. She eventually moved on to have a loving second marriage that produced two happy, healthy children.

 

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Guest Post: How to Dump your Divorce Depression

Divorce is a painful period of life for most couples. Many individuals are unable to deal with the failure of a relationship. They hold themselves responsible for the failure of their marriage. It is natural to feel depressed, but you need to learn to get yourself out of this depression, so that you can continue living your life. It is important to understand divorce, but it does not mean the end of your life. Due to a failed relationship you may lose your confidence, feel low all the time, and feel bogged down. Divorce not only affects your personal life, but your professional life as well, if you do not take required steps to dump the divorce depression.

It is essential to deal with depression and move ahead in life. Therefore, I have listed here some pointers that would help you to dump divorce depression.

  • Feel better about yourself: You tend to feel low after your divorce. Low self confidence and low self-esteem is observed in people, who have recently been through divorce. Things did not work between you and your spouse that does not mean that any of your future personal and profession relationships would not work. A small effort that you need to take to get rid of depression is to make yourself feel better by listing down 5 to 10 things about yourself that you like. During such depressing time, you might find it difficult to jolt down these points. You can get help from your close friends or family members to list good things about you. Write all the good things about you on a piece of paper and paste it on your study table or next to your bed, so that you can read them as and when possible and feel elated.
  • Plan your work: Even though you have been through a divorce and just feel like mourning for few days it is important for you to deal with your daily responsibilities. Due to the case proceedings, you might not have got time to complete various house-hold tasks, so it is recommended to make a list of those tasks. Along with the pending work, jot down the tasks that you need to complete in the coming week and month. Make sure that you put a deadline for each task and start completing it. This will help you keep busy; thereby avoiding unnecessary tension due to pending tasks.
  • Maintain diary: At times you feel that life has been unjust to you, but it vital to have gratitude for the little good things that we ignore in our life. During these testing times your friends might have stood by you. Your sibling or parents must have helped you to step your life again or might have paid a visit to check your well-being. It is important to appreciate these good deeds and feel positive. You can start maintaining a dairy, which you can fill with stories about people’s good deeds. This will help you to gain positive energy, feel happy, and appreciate life the way it is.
  • Be close to nature: In our busy schedule, we hardly get anytime to be close to nature. Being close to the concrete jungle, working 16 to 18 hours a day, eating junk food makes us feel low. You do not have to spend too much to be close to nature; all you need to do is visit the nearby park or beach for a morning or evening walk. It will help you to feel refreshed and forget your worries.
  • Get profession help: It is important to understand that depression is a mental disease and even after several attempts to get rid of it, if you feel extremely depressed then is the right time for you to visit a counselor. Consult your close ones and find out about a good post-divorce counselor. Getting professional help at the right time will help you to deal with depression and look forward to life after divorce.

Depression after divorce is inevitable, but if you are determined to take efforts to deal with it and enjoy your life, then you can look forward to a joyous life filled with wonderful moments to cherish.

Author Bio:  Hello, My name is Rose Morin. I am freelance writer. I have write on providing divorce tips such how to file divorce papers. My article shows different topics like men and women relationships, free tips on getting cheap divorce, various divorce forms, edivorceinflorida etc.

 

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Guest Post: Sharing your Kids after Divorce – A Guideline

Sharing custody after divorce is potentially the best option for everyone involved. The parents will both still get a hand in raising the children, the children get to continue to live with both parents, and everyone is potentially happier. However, joint custody is often easier said than done.

How do you know if joint custody is a realistic expectation for your family after divorce? What are some of the possible benefits? And what are some good guidelines for practicing joint custody?

Disclaimer: I’m not an attorney. I can only speak from personal experience and prior research. If you’re struggling with these issues, or wondering about legalities, perhaps it’s time to consult a divorce lawyer for child custody considerations.

Is Joint Custody Right for your Family?

How do you know if joint custody will work for your family? Well, here are some of the indicators that it’s a strong possibility:

1)      You and your ex live near one another

This is the first crucial factor in joint custody. Parents must live near one another to be able to give the children a stable life and development. Children should still be able to go to the same schools, attend the same extracurricular activities, and overall continue living much the same life.

The necessity of this cannot be overemphasized. Parents considering joint custody need to live near enough to one another to provide a stable and uninterrupted life. Otherwise there’s too much risk of the children suffering.

It should be noted that there’s still the possibility of children living with the father during summers. This is a completely separate type of joint custody, however.

2)      You and your ex both respect each other’s involvement in your children’s lives

The child benefits from both the Mother and Father being involved in their lives. Both parents understanding and accepting this is crucial for joint custody to work. Otherwise there will be too much conflict and tension throughout the arrangement.

3)      The parents are able to cooperate and communicate in a reasonable manner

Again, the parents should be able to get along well enough to be able to communicate with one another. As both parents will be playing a critical role in the child’s upbringing they need to be able to communicate and coordinate their effort in the joint upbringing.

4)      You agree to never fight in front of the children

Fighting with your ex during joint custody is nearly unavoidable. There’s too much history and—let’s admit it—hurt feelings to be able to do such a difficult task as raise children together. Despite this, you need to both agree never to fight or argue in front of the children, and never involve them in the disputes. Otherwise joint custody is likely counterproductive, and is more harmful than helpful.

Joint Custody Benefits

Joint custody has a multitude of benefits. These include more paternal involvement, decreased risk of financial problems, shared responsibility, and increased child happiness and resistance to the negative effects of divorce.

Joint custody has been proven to increase paternal involvement in raising children. Obviously this is only natural as the father gets increased time and interaction with the children. Furthermore, it has been shown that paternal involvement can pay a critical role in the raising of children. For example, see this study. To summarize a piece of the study:

Children raised without fathers are:

  • 70% of kids incarcerated
  • Twice as likely to quit school
  • 80% of the adolescents in psychiatric hospitals
  • 90% of runaways

As you can see, having a father around can be a huge benefit. One that is, perhaps, underappreciated.

Financial troubles—due to lack of child support payments—are also considerably less likely under joint custody. The father is around to bear some of the financial burdens, and because he is connected to the family still he’s less likely to default on any payments.

Last but not least, the children themselves benefit. They are less likely to feel unloved after the divorce since they still frequently interact with both parents. Also, since one parent isn’t in effect disappearing, they’re less likely to be afraid after the divorce. Furthermore learning to live with both parents teaches them flexibility and the ability to adapt.

General Guidelines and Rules

Any recently divorced parents who decide to share the kids after divorce should set up a few ground rules and general guidelines which both parents agree on. This will not only make everything smoother but protect the children as well incase conflict arises. Some good guidelines are:

  • No fighting or arguing in front of the children
  • No using the children to pass along messages
  • Never discuss child support issues in front of the children
  • No badmouthing the other parent to the children
  • No forcing the children to choose sides
  • Never include the children in any debate or argument
  • No using the children to spy on the other parent – “Did __ have a date? Seeing anyone?”

Following these ground rules—even just sitting down and agreeing to general guidelines—can really help everyone out in the long run. So even though it might be hard, make sure you communicate with your ex if you’re considering joint custody. If only for the sake of the children.

Hopefully this guideline helps ease divorce and custody issues, and makes moving forward, in the direction appropriate for you, a little easier.

Author Bio:  lan Brady is a passionate blogger who loves to share his personal experiences concerning divorce, his daughters, and being a single parent. Blogging about divorce greatly helped him comes to terms with his divorce and life afterward.

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