Tag Archives: Divorce

Guest Post: 5 Things to Remember when Co-Parenting after Divorce

After the dispute is over and the child custody lawyers have done their job and been paid, parents embark on the difficult and enduring task of raising children with their former spouse. The bitterness that so often stems from the end of a marriage is difficult to put aside, but the trauma it causes to the children of divorced couples can be significant. The tips offered below will help guide parents through the delicate process of sharing custody.

  • Put Parenthood First

The most important thing for divorced couples to remember when it comes to custody issues is to put parenthood ahead of everything else. As angry or hurt as they may feel, those issues should have been addressed during the divorce. Now is the time to focus clearly on the best interests of their child or children. It can be difficult to overcome painful, if selfish feelings and work with the person who has left you feeling betrayed, but having a child with someone means that is your job, no matter what else occurs.

  • Forgive the Past

As difficult as it can be, letting go of the pain is the absolute best way to reduce the amount of trauma your children experience due to marital conflict. If you need help to manage this, family therapy doesn’t have to end because you have divorced. After all, you may no longer be married, but you will always be a family, and you and your children may benefit from some guidance and mediation from a professional counsellor.

  • Respect their Role

If forgiveness is more than you can currently manage, make sure that you are at least showing respect to your former spouse’s relationship with your child or children. Whatever their sins as a husband or wife, their role as a father or mother is critical in your children’s lives and remembering its importance can help you to come to peace with their continued presence in your life.

  • Discuss Important Decision

Although you are no longer married, as parents you will have a relationship for the rest of your lives. As with any other relationship, communication is the best way to keep things running smoothly. Openly discussing needs, obstacles, goals, and concerns will be the most effective way to avoid conflict and reach fair compromises. It will also help to keep the best interests of the child or children involved in sharp focus.

  • Parent Together

Self-awareness is something that many people struggle with, but understanding your ability to work with and be around your former partner is the only way to make to right custody plans for your family. For parents who are able to put aside their personal feelings or whose divorce was fairly amicable, coordinated parenting is the best way to go. With this method of shared custody, parents can work together, spend time with their children as a complete family unit, and collaborate on important decisions.

For couples who are left angry and unable to moderate their conflicts after divorce, parallel parenting may be the best option. In this arrangement, parents will coordinate through email and other indirect communication, while limiting their contact as much as possible to avoid traumatic fights that will impact their children negatively. If even this is more cooperation that they can achieve, intervention from a mediator or custody specialist may be necessary to ensure that the children are protected from continuing conflict between their parents.

Author Info:

Alan Brady is a freelance writer who focuses on issues that impact families. He currently writes for Attorneys.com, which connects people with local child custody lawyers.

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Filed under Children and divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce

Guest Post: Divorce Lawyer Tips for Effective Co-Parenting

As a divorce lawyer it is not uncommon to see a lot of hostility and arguing between the parties during a divorce. Months and years of acrimonious living can lead to lots of hurt feelings and grudges. However, if children are involved it is important for both parties to understand that even though their marriage is over, their partnership in raising their child is not. Therefore, the parents together need to reach an effective co-parenting strategy for their child and themselves so that during this difficult time, the child feels a sense of stability.

Communication

I have found that a strong communication strategy can really help divorced parents. This requires each parent to let go of past hurts and disagreements. For those who find this difficult to do one effective strategy is to treat post-divorce interactions with you ex as you would a conversation with a difficult coworker – unpleasant but necessary. Conversations should be kept factual and professional and emotions should be left at the door.

This in no way means that you are required to agree with everything your former spouse thinks. Even married parents have different parenting styles. The important thing to remember is that you should keep communication lines open and you should never use your child as a messenger between you and your spouse unless you re sending a pleasant greeting or a thanks.

Involvement

Co-parenting requires involvement by both parents. It means cooperative scheduling and a bit of understanding. Flexibility is key. I have found that parents who put their child’s interests above their own wants have the most success. This means not being obsessed with the minutes and hours your child spends with your ex-spouse. For example, there may be times your child wants to go to a special party on the weekend when you have custody. You should consider your child’s wishes in this regard and decide whether it makes sense.

Explaining the Divorce to Your Child

I sometimes see former spouses get so wrapped up in their own emotions from the divorce that they forget just how impacted their children will be by the news of the divorce and exactly what it means. Remember to listen to your children, reassure them, and tell them you love them. If possible, try to make time for you and your ex to sit down together and reassure your child that he or she did not do anything wrong and did not cause the divorce. Hearing it from both parents together reinforces this idea. It may also be a good idea for former spouses and their children to talk together, or separately, with a professional.

Co-parenting is hard. It might be one of the most difficult things you ever do. I have found in my years of practice that if you can do this successfully you will have given your child a wonderful gift that many other children of divorce don’t have:  a peaceful childhood. For more resources on divorce and family law visit the  Morgan Law Firm blog.

Scott Morgan is a board certified divorce lawyer in Houston who regularly blogs on the subject of divorce and family law.

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Guest Post: How to Rebuild Your Life after Divorce

A divorce represents much more than the end of your marriage – in many ways it is also the end of your old way of life. After a divorce you have to figure out a lot of things: How to live life on your own, who you are in the absence of your partner, how you will support yourself financially, where you will live, and even who your friends will be now that you don’t share the same friends as a couple.

Rebuilding your life after a divorce takes time. However, there are a few things you can do right away to make the process easier. Here are a few steps for how to rebuild your life after divorce:

Allow Yourself a Mourning Period

Your life as you knew it is over. Even if you were very unhappy in your marriage, and even if your divorce was very acrimonious, it is natural to feel grief and loss after a divorce. You have spent years building your identity based on someone else being in your life. Now you have to come to terms with that life being over and having to build a new one.

Give yourself a period to mourn that old life. You can’t rush into building a new, happy life for yourself – let alone start a new, happy relationship – without properly grieving your old one.

Spend Time with Family and Friends

Start rebuilding your life after a divorce by spending time with the people who know you best: Your family and your best friends. You will feel better being surrounded by the people who love you and who can offer you support through this difficult time. Lean on these people to give you advice or to just offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

Reconnect with Yourself

A large part of rebuilding your life after divorce is rediscovering yourself and finding out who you are when you’re no longer part of a couple. It may have been many years since you were single, and you may be a very different person now that you no longer have to make your choices with another person in mind.

You can reconnect with yourself by keeping a journal to explore your feelings or by indulging in expressive activities such as painting or dancing. You may be surprised at what you learn about yourself.

Reinvent Yourself

One way to really let go of your old life is to embrace a totally new you. Don’t try to reconstruct who you were; instead, try to reinvent who you will be. Start by giving yourself a makeover (if you want one). Seek out new activities and try doing some things you’ve always wanted to do. Go on a trip you have always wanted to take. Don’t accept definitions for who you are or what you do based on who you were in your relationship.

Don’t take on a makeover or reinvent yourself to try to impress your ex. Only do the things that make you feel good and that help you to move forward.

Meet New People

The best way to rebuild your life after divorce is to meet new people with which to create a new life. This includes new friends and, yes, even new romantic partners. Don’t jump right into dating again, and be especially wary of dating seriously for some time. However, you should take efforts to get out and meet new people to make new friends and to date casually.

Rebuilding your life after divorce won’t be easy. However, these simple steps can help get you started so that you can get back in touch with who you are and can create new and lasting relationships.

How did you rebuild your life after your divorce? Share your experiences and your tips for success in the comments!

Kay Winders is presently the resident writer for http://www.badcreditloans.org, where she researches the best way for people to pay off their debts without damaging their credit. In her spare time, she enjoys freelance writing, the beach and gardening. 

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Guest Post: 8 Tips for Life After Divorce

Whether you’ve been married for one year, ten years or even fifty years, if your marriage ends in divorce then chances are you will be facing one of the most difficult, challenging times of your adult life. Divorce often leaves everyone involved struggling with a range of emotions and issues. Perhaps you are elated that you are finally free of your spouse, however, your parents are angry at you that your marriage has failed. Maybe you feel a deep sense of loss and have fears for the future – what about the house, the kids and your finances?

No matter how divorce has affected you, here are eight tips to help improve your life after divorce:

1.  Evaluate Your Finances

Few married couples have maintained complete autonomy when it comes to their finances; most share bank accounts, credit cards, assets, loans and mortgages. When the marriage ends make figuring out your finances a priority because, until you do, you will not be able to move on with your life.

2.  Let Yourself Grieve

When you said your wedding vows, chances are good you believed you’d be married for the rest of your life (most people do). The loss of your marriage can be one of the most profound losses you will ever experience in your life, even if the marriage wasn’t a great one. Give yourself permission to feel sad, angry, and upset – just don’t get stuck in these feelings.

3.  Let Go Of Guilt

Many people are burdened by guilt following their divorce; they feel like they are failures, that they should have done more to save their marriage. If you did something that clearly led to the breakdown of the marriage (such as had an affair) then that guilt may be justified, however, feeling guilty all the time can leave you drowning in negative thoughts and feelings. Work to identify why you feel guilty then take steps to resolve any outstanding issues, ensuring that you learn from your past mistakes.

4.  Seek Support

Finding a reliable support network is key to both surviving your divorce and establishing your new identity as an unwed person. Formal support groups exist in many communities; check with your community center, church or local social service agency. You can also join an online community where you can connect with others who have similar circumstances to yours. For some people, their separation leads them to re-connect with family and friends, who can often be a tremendous source of both emotional and financial support.

5.  Get To Know Yourself

One of the most common complaints people have about their marriages is the loss of their personal identity; often those who are in long-term relationships tend to identify more as a spouse and partner than an individual and in the process, they can loose sight of who they are. Take the time to reflect on your own personal values, thoughts and feelings, re-connecting with the person you were before you were married.

6.  Embrace Your Newfound Independence

Being a partner in a marriage means compromising; for many couples, that means that each spouse takes on specific roles. Perhaps you always handled the finances while your ex dealt with household repairs; maybe you’ve never vacationed overseas because your husband or wife had a fear of flying. Once divorced, you are free to handle your life however you’d like, travel where you want, spend time with people you like – enjoy.

7.  Don’t Be Afraid To Date

While it’s never advisable to jump into another serious relationship just as your marriage is ending, dating can be a great way to boost your confidence and help you see the positives of your status as a single person. If you do decide to re-enter the dating world, don’t head out looking for your next life partner on the first date; that can both scare off potential mates and strike a blow to your self-esteem.

8.  Focus On The Positive

Although divorce can be truly devastating it can also be a positive, life-changing experience. Divorce can help you realize what you might have known for a very long time – that you choose the wrong spouse, you were in an abusive relationship or you simply were not happy. Make a list of all the good things about being divorced – if you have a hard time with this, ask your support network for help. Often your family and friends are able to see positive changes that you are not yet fully aware of such as an increase in your energy levels, renewed interest in activities you enjoy and an overall happier, healthier you.

As divorce rates in the United States hover around the 50 percent mark, divorcees are no longer considered to be a minority. Many of those who are now separating and divorcing are baby boomers; part of an upward trend in the divorce rates among those who are aged 50 or older. According to a recent study by Bowling Green State University, one in four divorces now involves people born before 1962 [http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/24/living/baby-boomer-divorce/index.html] while the divorce rate for second and third marriages was over double that of first marriages. If you are one of the millions of Americans whose marriage has ended, remember that by following these eight tips, you can have a happy, full life after divorce.

Author Bio:  Jamie Cody is a writer for centernetworks.com and often writes about technology, business and various products and services like hostgator reviews.

 

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Guest Post: Enjoy your first Solo trip to America after Divorce

After divorce, travelling on an organised solo holiday can deliver more than a great trip to your chosen destination. You set off alone but new friendships form quickly. Sharing the experiences of your adventure with likeminded people makes the trip special and it will stay with you for a lifetime.
Choosing Where To Go And What To Do

When you find yourself single again following divorce one of the hardest things can be sorting out a holiday, yet a holiday can also be one of the best ways to move on and get a fresh perspective on your life. A quick glance at the itineraries available for singles holidays will be enough to whet your appetite, inspire your holiday choice and help you make that daunting first step. Adventure comes in different forms for different people, from the white knuckle adrenaline rush of rafting trips to treks in any of the wonderful National Parks to city tours which embrace the history of the country. Whether it’s a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon, fun and games in Las Vegas or a classic road trip America is positively bursting with iconic holiday destinations to choose from; no wonder it is such a favourite with holiday makers from across the world. The excitement of travel will help shift your focus to the future.

New Adventure New Friends
By electing to travel with a specialist singles tour operator you will ensure that you share your adventure with people who also hold your idea of what makes a great holiday. The companionship, laughter and fun that go hand in hand with meeting new people in a relaxed setting add a special dimension to any singles holiday, especially if you are making your first trip since your divorce. Additionally by joining a group you also get peace of mind and security, making it possible to head to places you would never go alone. The tour operator takes care of travel and accommodation arrangements, making the trip stress free. So whilst you are away your will not be wasting any time that could otherwise be spent simply enjoying the trip. Tour leaders do more than take the hassle out of planning and arranging the trip. If this is your first time post-divorce holiday the idea of setting off alone can be quite scary, even if you are joining a group, but tour guides and leaders will always welcome everyone, introduce the party members to each other and easing everyone into a relaxed and happy frame of mind. Special singles adventure trips are available for short or longer periods of time so whether you just have time for a week away or are lucky enough to have more free time on your hands you will be able to find a trip to suit for you.

All in all singles travel is rewarding and exciting. There is no better destination than North and Central America with such a vast array of options. People set out as strangers but within just a week there are tears as new friends are saying goodbye at the end of the holiday of a lifetime.

Author Bio:  Jennifer Doherty writes regularly on travel subjects for a range of websites and blogs. She is single and enjoys the freedom that solo travelling delivers. She has most recently made a number of trips to North America with special singles tours from http://www.trekamerica.co.uk/adventure-holidays-for-singles.html

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Guest Post: Getting Through the Holidays

The holidays are coming up and when it’s is typically a fun time for most, this year it seems that you have a bad case of the winter time blues.  Whether you have children involved or not, it’s going to be a tough time. The holidays are a time when you are with your loved ones, laughing and creating many memories; it’s easy to get down.

We tend to focus on either the really good or the really bad during the holidays. We let our minds and hearts wander down memory lane, either reminiscing the good times or the really bad times. There is never a middle ground. It takes a lot of patience and talking to yourself to get your mind off of your ex.

You hear a song, see a gift, find his/her favorite ornament etc and the memories come flooding back. The best way to get through the holidays is to take the present by storm. Embrace this new holiday alone and make your own memories. Start a tradition that will make you happy, like seeing a Christmas play with friends, cutting down your own Christmas tree or going to holiday parties. Get rid of your old traditions that you had with your ex and make new ones.

Get busy and get moving. Rent the movies you want to see, make the food you want to eat, spend the holidays with those who make you laugh the most. Try new holiday cocktails or get lost in the busy shopping malls. Jump in to the holidays face first and don’t be afraid to go overboard.

There is no need to keep the hate or pain in your heart during the holidays or ever. Take a step back and look at the big picture. You may have had a few good times and a few really bad times together, but that is over now and you have loved and learned. Focus on the children, your friends and your family. Take deep breaths and when you find yourself feeling down, take a moment to yourself, think, let go and get back into the action of the holidays.

Keep busy and keep moving. Surround yourself with those who love you and all of you. Remind yourself of what is happening in front of you and not what you are missing out on. Get excited for the new and fresh start! It’s going to be fun and your new year is awaiting the new you! Happy holidays!

This guest post was provided by Allison Foster. She has a solid writing resume that includes blogging both personally and professionally and regular freelance writing and photography jobs. She has enjoyed furthering her writing career with http://www.nannyclassifieds.com/.

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Guest Post: The Upside of Divorce

Although you may feel like burnt trash after a divorce is finalized there is light at the end of the tunnel. You may feel like you’ve lost your soul, but then again, you could also breathe a sigh of relief. Regardless of the reasons behind your divorce, here are some good things you gain from the experience.

Flirting – Some people are just naturally flirtatious regardless but feel they cannot flirt while they are in a relationship.  After the divorce, there is no guilt about shamelessly flirting with your bank teller.  Flirting is fun.

My Way – While you were married there were probably behaviors and hobbies that you had to give up in order to make your spouse happy. Now you are single you can take up those hobbies again or find new ones.

Meal Times – No more compromising on menus for the household. There is a good chance that you and your spouse didn’t see eye-to-eye on some types of food. Now, you are able to enjoy whatever foods you like without argument.

Decor – While many couples are in unison when it comes to home decor, many are not. You may compromise your artistic abilities in order to make someone else happy, even though you’re not. Living alone allows you to express yourself without arguments about colors, patterns or styles.

Friends – A common complaint about being a couple is the lack of being around the friends they had prior to a relationship. It’s not often that your spouse will enjoy the company of your friends as much as you do.  Now you are divorced you can enjoy your friendships that you felt you had to quell.

Dating Again – There are few experiences in life that can match up to the exhilaration of a new relationship or meeting for the first time. Entering the dating scene provides the opportunity to experience new love all over again.

Responsibility – Outside of a divorce that involved children, being single again allows you to focus on yourself. The only one you need to be responsible for is yourself. This feeling can be very liberating.

In today’s world, divorce is quite common. As long as both parties gave it all they could the experience isn’t actually wasted. Like all mistakes in your life, this could be viewed as one that could help make you aware of your own faults in order to excel at your next relationship.

Author Bio:  Sara is an active nanny as well as an active freelance writer. She is a frequent contributor of http://www.nannypro.com/.

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