Tag Archives: positive thinking

Guest Post: 5 Questions to Ask Before Dating After Divorce

Everything changes after a divorce. After months of dealing with filings, proceedings and divorce attorneys, it becomes time to determine what your next steps will be.

This is an amazing opportunity for you to pursue exactly what you want out of life. Along with your interests and career, and your relationships with friends and your children, a new romantic relationship may be something you are interested in. Before you start dating after a divorce, ask yourself these five questions.

Am I ready to date again?

It’s the most obvious question, but it’s also the most important. Your friends and family may be urging you to date again. Their remarks about how you should “get back out there” may feel like minor comments to them, but that kind of social pressure can be stressful.

It is your decision when you start dating again. You are in charge of this incredible and unique journey that is your life, so don’t hand over that decision-making power to anyone else.

Jumping back into the dating scene right after a divorce can be difficult because you are still figuring out what your new life will look like. You’ll need to assess the commitments you’re already making:

  • Commitments to your children.
  • Commitments to your family and friends.
  • Commitments to your job.

Are you ready to balance a new relationship with your other commitments? Only you will know the answer. And it may take some time to figure that out.

How are my children handling the divorce?

You may be ready to date again, but if you have children with your ex you will need to consider what is best for them as well. Whether it has been a couple of years or only a short time since your divorce, your first new relationship will be a very big change for your children.

No matter the age, it is common for children to have some hesitation when you are dating a new person. They may still harbor feelings that you and your ex will get back together. A new relationship attacks that hopeful feeling.

You can start dating again, but be cautious about how your children meet and interact with this new person. Date for a while before introducing someone to your children. If you don’t see the relationship lasting long term, you shouldn’t expose your children to adults that won’t be sticking around. If you think the relationship is going somewhere, find a safe and comfortable situation to introduce your children. Communication is key; make sure your children understand why you’re dating again, and lead conversations about how it makes them feel.

What is my relationship with my ex like?

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. Divorces can be finalized before feelings are. You might need more time, and you can also consider a healthy dose of therapy after a divorce.

To give yourself a real chance with a new relationship, your heart has to be open to the possibility of a new love. If there is any chance you’ll be saying “My ex is just like that,” or “Do you know what my ex did?” you need some more time to work things through.

Am I confident?

All of the emotions during a divorce can put you in a place where you need to rebuild happiness and confidence. Consider it a great opportunity to become the person you want to me.

Finding your confidence after a divorce is a gradual process. With effort and a positive attitude, you can find the confidence you are seeking in time.

Don’t offer your date a version of yourself that you aren’t comfortable with—wait until you feel good about where you are. When you present yourself as the confident and wonderful person that you are, you can find the confident and wonderful relationship you deserve.

Is a new romantic relationship what you need?

Before turning to a new relationship, remember the other commitments you are making that we discussed above. Is there more you want out of those commitments? Love is a big word, and it encompasses more than just romantic relationships.

Continuing to build a strong relationship with your children can provide the happiness you may have expected to come from a new relationship. Reconnecting with friends can do the same. Being single is also a great time to pursue the career opportunities you may have put on hold during your marriage.

If you are honest with yourself about the above questions and have a positive outlook on your future, you will know when it is time to date again.

Author Bio: Jack is a freelance writer based in Seattle who spends his hours hopping between an ergonomic keyboard and an old school typewriter. You can reach Jack by leaving a comment or connecting with him on Twitter.

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Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, New relationship after divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: How to Dump your Divorce Depression

Divorce is a painful period of life for most couples. Many individuals are unable to deal with the failure of a relationship. They hold themselves responsible for the failure of their marriage. It is natural to feel depressed, but you need to learn to get yourself out of this depression, so that you can continue living your life. It is important to understand divorce, but it does not mean the end of your life. Due to a failed relationship you may lose your confidence, feel low all the time, and feel bogged down. Divorce not only affects your personal life, but your professional life as well, if you do not take required steps to dump the divorce depression.

It is essential to deal with depression and move ahead in life. Therefore, I have listed here some pointers that would help you to dump divorce depression.

  • Feel better about yourself: You tend to feel low after your divorce. Low self confidence and low self-esteem is observed in people, who have recently been through divorce. Things did not work between you and your spouse that does not mean that any of your future personal and profession relationships would not work. A small effort that you need to take to get rid of depression is to make yourself feel better by listing down 5 to 10 things about yourself that you like. During such depressing time, you might find it difficult to jolt down these points. You can get help from your close friends or family members to list good things about you. Write all the good things about you on a piece of paper and paste it on your study table or next to your bed, so that you can read them as and when possible and feel elated.
  • Plan your work: Even though you have been through a divorce and just feel like mourning for few days it is important for you to deal with your daily responsibilities. Due to the case proceedings, you might not have got time to complete various house-hold tasks, so it is recommended to make a list of those tasks. Along with the pending work, jot down the tasks that you need to complete in the coming week and month. Make sure that you put a deadline for each task and start completing it. This will help you keep busy; thereby avoiding unnecessary tension due to pending tasks.
  • Maintain diary: At times you feel that life has been unjust to you, but it vital to have gratitude for the little good things that we ignore in our life. During these testing times your friends might have stood by you. Your sibling or parents must have helped you to step your life again or might have paid a visit to check your well-being. It is important to appreciate these good deeds and feel positive. You can start maintaining a dairy, which you can fill with stories about people’s good deeds. This will help you to gain positive energy, feel happy, and appreciate life the way it is.
  • Be close to nature: In our busy schedule, we hardly get anytime to be close to nature. Being close to the concrete jungle, working 16 to 18 hours a day, eating junk food makes us feel low. You do not have to spend too much to be close to nature; all you need to do is visit the nearby park or beach for a morning or evening walk. It will help you to feel refreshed and forget your worries.
  • Get profession help: It is important to understand that depression is a mental disease and even after several attempts to get rid of it, if you feel extremely depressed then is the right time for you to visit a counselor. Consult your close ones and find out about a good post-divorce counselor. Getting professional help at the right time will help you to deal with depression and look forward to life after divorce.

Depression after divorce is inevitable, but if you are determined to take efforts to deal with it and enjoy your life, then you can look forward to a joyous life filled with wonderful moments to cherish.

Author Bio:  Hello, My name is Rose Morin. I am freelance writer. I have write on providing divorce tips such how to file divorce papers. My article shows different topics like men and women relationships, free tips on getting cheap divorce, various divorce forms, edivorceinflorida etc.

 

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Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: Avoiding Depression After a Divorce

The life changes that result from a divorce can cause even the strongest person to become depressed. Even if you are the person who wanted the divorce, depression can still be caused by the stress of all of the changes that a divorce will bring. The loss of living arrangements, the breakup of a family and other changes place enormous pressure on a person. Here is a list of three simple steps that you can take to avoid becoming depressed during those rough times after a divorce.

1. Create New Bonds
The loss of a spouse will leave a hole in your daily life. You will need to develop new relationships to take up the room left by your ex-spouse, even if you are glad that the spouse is gone. This doesn’t mean that you have to run out and jump into a new romantic relationship. It simply means that you need people to spend time with on a regular basis. A new relationship doesn’t even mean you need a new person. You can spend more time with family or existing friends or you can go out and meet new people at a variety of social gatherings.

2. List Your Strengths
During a time when your emotions are in check, write a list of your personal strengths and include examples. For example, you might write that you are a good cook, that your family always wants you to cook for family gatherings. Keep the list in a safe but accessible place and pull it out and read it when things are tough. While these things might sound silly on a good day, reading a list of your strengths can really help to pull you through a rough time.

3. Develop Goals
Having goals is important for everyone. However, goals can be especially important for a person who has recently gone through a divorce. With a lot of free time and a lot of negative emotions and events to ponder it would be easy for you to slip into a depressive state. But if you have a goal or multiple goals to work toward it will be easier for you to keep your mind engaged on the positives in your life. Some goal examples could include completing a degree or learning a new hobby.

By using these three simple tips you can help to reduce your chances of becoming depressed after a divorce. However, if you do become depressed, do not hesitate to seek assistance from friends, family and medical professionals.

Author Bio:  Jack Meyer is a regular contributor for http://www.nannybackgroundcheck.com/. As a detective he wants to spread the knowledge of terrible things that can happen when people don’t fully verify the credentials of a caregiver or any employee. He also writes for various law enforcement blogs and sites.

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Guest Post: 10 Quotes to Keep You Positive through Divorce

Divorce is never easy; it doesn’t matter if it was 6 months or 6 years ago. The sting and burn of a divorce will linger from time to time but know that is completely normal. It’s all about how you remove yourself from the negative feelings and put yourself in a more positive mindset to move on. Write these quotes down and place them around your home, work or car as simple reminders.

  1. You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to –Unknown
  2. Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tries and a touch that never hurts – Charles Dickens
  3. Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care but because they don’t – Unknown
  4. Let go or be dragged – Zen proverb
  5. I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person – Oscar Wilde
  6. Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along -Rae Smith
  7. There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice – F Scott Fitzgerald
  8. Some people feel the rain, others just get wet – Bob Marley
  9. You’ve got enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something in your life – Unknown
  10. Sometimes we need to forget some people from our past because of one simple reason, they just don’t belong in our future – Unknown

Author Bio:  Roxanne Porter is a freelancer & a regular contributor for nanny wanted.  She helps in providing knowledge about nanny services & love writing on nanny related articles. She helps in giving a fair knowledge about nanny Jobs to the community. You can be in touch with her at “r.poter08ATgmail.com”

 

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Guest Post: 5 Important Reminders after Divorce

A divorce is never an easy thing. Your marriage was supposed to last forever, but it did not. Your mate was supposed to love you and stay with you, but they did not. It is heartbreaking and devastating and demoralizing.

There are many common traps people fall into after divorce. They think they will never be loved or love anyone else ever again. They think their life is over. They think they are ugly or unlovable. They think that there is something wrong with them that can never be resolved. All these thoughts are not healthy. Not only do they offer nothing to build you up, but the repetitive and degrading nature tears you down further and further until you feel like dirt.

Do not let yourself get to this point. There are five things you need to remind yourself of every time negative thoughts enter your mind.

  1. You are worth loving – You are. You are a unique individual that gives something special to the world. There is no one in the world like you and there never was and there never will be. You are special. And you are worth loving.
  2.  You are loved – Someone out there loves you. Your friends, your family, your children, your dog, heck, even your secret admirer. You are not alone. There are people out there willing to help, if only you will allow them in. Do not push others away during this difficult time. Allow yourself to be loved.
  3.  You may not be perfect, but you can be better – I am not saying you did nothing wrong in your marriage. I am not saying it was or was not your fault. Just remember, you can always change. No matter what you think is wrong with you; you can get help and become better. Do not think there is no hope for you.
  4. This is not the end –Your life is not over. You have things to live for. Things beyond your marriage. Just because you are no longer married does not mean you no longer have a life to live. No matter what age you are, you still have something to give to the world. Do not waste your talents and abilities feeling sorry for yourself. This is not the end, it is just another place to start.
  5. You will find love again –Whether you think so or not at this point, you will find love again. It may not be the love of another life partner, but it will be love. You will love your job, love to travel, love your pets or kids. Or, maybe, with an open mind and a healed heart, you may indeed find a new mate. The right mate. The one that will stay forever. And that is worth hoping for.

Right now, you hurt. You have reason to. But understand that the hurt will not last forever. It is cliché, but time does heal all wounds. Do not let self-pity ruin any more of your life. Take the reins and live. Divorce is not the end of the world, no matter what it feels like right now.

Author  Byline:   Monta, the mother of three children, serves as an Expert Advisor on multiple household help issues to many Organizations and groups, and is a mentor for other “Mom-preneurs” seeking guidance.  She is a regular contributor of “find nannies”.  You can get in touch with her at montafleming6Atgmail dotcom.

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Guest Post: How to rebuild your personality, post-divorce

It might sound a bit dramatic but relationships unavoidably absorb and alter bits of your personality. Even the strongest of us have our tastes and opinions moulded by people we’ve been close to.  Then, when you get divorced your friends and family are giving you advice about what to do next and what a horrible person your ex is.  The best place to go for relationship advice is to someone who is impartial.  Recovering from divorce is emotional and stressful and it can be hard to tell up from down, let alone which aspects of your life are truly yours.

Reconnect with your friends

This isn’t always easy. Perhaps many of your friends are still in relationships or building their family lives. You may’ve become isolated from your social group, for one reason or another, during your relationship. If you feel awkward about reaching out again, admit it; yes, you regret losing touch with your friends, and doing so may even be part of why your marriage didn’t work out, but you deeply regret the mistake and don’t want to repeat it. Good friends will support you, remind you who you are and what you’re about, while anyone who doesn’t may be best left behind.

Rediscover music you used to enjoy when single

Music, like scent, can resurrect a whole set of emotions with a few opening notes, and very easily attaches itself to eras and certain people. There might be some music you love that reminds you too strongly of your ex to bear listening to. Over time, the association will dwindle and you’ll be able to enjoy it again. In the meantime, stick to music that you’ve always enjoyed independently from your marriage. My favourite is New Order, who I started listening to as a teenager and which never became associated with one particular person or episode in my life.

Take yourself out on dates

You’ll get a lot of advice to avoid being alone too much after your divorce, but it’s important to realise that you can enjoy your own company, and that you can treat yourself well without relying on someone else to do it. All those things you wished your ex had done for or with you – going out for meals, to the cinema, buying flowers, matching underwear, cool books – you’d be amazed how liberating it feels to do these for yourself, without feeling resentful because someone else isn’t doing it for you.

Taking yourself out to see a film, with no company, may feel a bit intrepid or gawky, but getting over that insecurity is actually one of the most confident, emotionally empowering things you can do for yourself. I found myself sitting in the cinema, giggling away to myself; it was actually more fun than going with someone else, and feeling affected by whether or not they were laughing too. It’s certainly important to spend time with friends and family after a break up, but you’re good company too – remind yourself of that every now and again.

Author Bio.  Carly Morson works with Greatvine, where you can talk on the phone with, and email, the country’s best experts, whenever you need advice.  They have hand-picked leading specialists in over 100 topics – from breastfeeding and baby sleep to anxiety and depression, diet and nutrition, creative writing and even starting a business.

 

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Guest Post: 5 Things to let go of to be Happy after Divorce

No one gets married with the thought that one day that marriage will end unhappily ever after in divorce.  So when divorce strikes you, there’s no secret that it brings with it more sadness than you’ve ever felt before in your life—and even after the papers are signed, you still may feel as though you’re never going to be able to get back to your old self again.  It takes time to heal, but today is the day that you let go of your unhappiness and embrace a bright new future.  Here’s what to leave behind in order to do so:

#1:  Let go of the blame.  In an attempt to deal with your divorce, it’s easy to blame to yourself, your ex-spouse or anyone/anything else you think contributed to the final chapter of your union as husband and wife.  But in order to regain your strength, pick up the pieces and move on, you’ve got to stop pointing that finger.  No matter what caused the end of your marriage, stop blaming and start taking responsibility for your own life.  That’s the only thing that you have control over so all you can do is try to improve upon yourself so that you don’t make the same mistakes again.

#2:  Let go of the past.  Of course, this is a difficult step when your past looks so much better than what lies ahead in an undetermined future.  But wallowing in old history and sitting around crying over your wedding album is a waste of time that could be better spent actually enjoying your life.  So instead of living in a world that no longer exists and looking at your future with fear, look at it as an opportunity to make your life better than it has ever been before.  Not knowing what comes next can be thrilling—that’s what makes life an adventure!  Never take the moments you have RIGHT NOW for granted.

#3:  Let go of your excuses.  If you are doing nothing but lying around in bed all day depressed and using your divorce as an excuse for a lackluster job performance, dwindling relationships with friends and family, or why you no longer participate in activities/hobbies that once brought you joy, then it’s time to pull yourself together.  Of course it’s tough and you’re allowed some time to mourn the loss of the relationship, but you can’t let it determine your life or keep you from your path to happiness.  Stop making excuses and start living again!

#4:  Let go of your resistance to change.  When going through a divorce, your whole life is bound to change…and this change can be downright frightening.  But rather than allowing your fear (which is just an illusion created by no other but yourself) to hamper you from being happy, why not just accept the changes in your world (because you really have no other option)?  Change can be good thing—it means you are growing; go along with the flow and let it turn you into a more emotionally evolved person.

#5:  Let go of complaining.  If you walk around with a frown on your face and all you can do is complain about your divorce, you won’t open yourself up to finding happiness once more—no one is going to want to be around that.  Get rid of the negative attitude and replace it with one of a positive nature and you’ll be amazed at all the positivity you attract.  Before you know it, you’ll have fewer and fewer complaints about your divorce because you are feeling genuinely happy again.

Sabrina Jackson is a guest post author who enjoys helping newly divorced singles.  In addition, Sabrina also contributes her work to senior dating sites where she offers advice to online seniors about how to date safely on the internet.

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Filed under Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem