Tag Archives: self-esteem

Guest Post: 8 Tips for Life After Divorce

Whether you’ve been married for one year, ten years or even fifty years, if your marriage ends in divorce then chances are you will be facing one of the most difficult, challenging times of your adult life. Divorce often leaves everyone involved struggling with a range of emotions and issues. Perhaps you are elated that you are finally free of your spouse, however, your parents are angry at you that your marriage has failed. Maybe you feel a deep sense of loss and have fears for the future – what about the house, the kids and your finances?

No matter how divorce has affected you, here are eight tips to help improve your life after divorce:

1.  Evaluate Your Finances

Few married couples have maintained complete autonomy when it comes to their finances; most share bank accounts, credit cards, assets, loans and mortgages. When the marriage ends make figuring out your finances a priority because, until you do, you will not be able to move on with your life.

2.  Let Yourself Grieve

When you said your wedding vows, chances are good you believed you’d be married for the rest of your life (most people do). The loss of your marriage can be one of the most profound losses you will ever experience in your life, even if the marriage wasn’t a great one. Give yourself permission to feel sad, angry, and upset – just don’t get stuck in these feelings.

3.  Let Go Of Guilt

Many people are burdened by guilt following their divorce; they feel like they are failures, that they should have done more to save their marriage. If you did something that clearly led to the breakdown of the marriage (such as had an affair) then that guilt may be justified, however, feeling guilty all the time can leave you drowning in negative thoughts and feelings. Work to identify why you feel guilty then take steps to resolve any outstanding issues, ensuring that you learn from your past mistakes.

4.  Seek Support

Finding a reliable support network is key to both surviving your divorce and establishing your new identity as an unwed person. Formal support groups exist in many communities; check with your community center, church or local social service agency. You can also join an online community where you can connect with others who have similar circumstances to yours. For some people, their separation leads them to re-connect with family and friends, who can often be a tremendous source of both emotional and financial support.

5.  Get To Know Yourself

One of the most common complaints people have about their marriages is the loss of their personal identity; often those who are in long-term relationships tend to identify more as a spouse and partner than an individual and in the process, they can loose sight of who they are. Take the time to reflect on your own personal values, thoughts and feelings, re-connecting with the person you were before you were married.

6.  Embrace Your Newfound Independence

Being a partner in a marriage means compromising; for many couples, that means that each spouse takes on specific roles. Perhaps you always handled the finances while your ex dealt with household repairs; maybe you’ve never vacationed overseas because your husband or wife had a fear of flying. Once divorced, you are free to handle your life however you’d like, travel where you want, spend time with people you like – enjoy.

7.  Don’t Be Afraid To Date

While it’s never advisable to jump into another serious relationship just as your marriage is ending, dating can be a great way to boost your confidence and help you see the positives of your status as a single person. If you do decide to re-enter the dating world, don’t head out looking for your next life partner on the first date; that can both scare off potential mates and strike a blow to your self-esteem.

8.  Focus On The Positive

Although divorce can be truly devastating it can also be a positive, life-changing experience. Divorce can help you realize what you might have known for a very long time – that you choose the wrong spouse, you were in an abusive relationship or you simply were not happy. Make a list of all the good things about being divorced – if you have a hard time with this, ask your support network for help. Often your family and friends are able to see positive changes that you are not yet fully aware of such as an increase in your energy levels, renewed interest in activities you enjoy and an overall happier, healthier you.

As divorce rates in the United States hover around the 50 percent mark, divorcees are no longer considered to be a minority. Many of those who are now separating and divorcing are baby boomers; part of an upward trend in the divorce rates among those who are aged 50 or older. According to a recent study by Bowling Green State University, one in four divorces now involves people born before 1962 [http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/24/living/baby-boomer-divorce/index.html] while the divorce rate for second and third marriages was over double that of first marriages. If you are one of the millions of Americans whose marriage has ended, remember that by following these eight tips, you can have a happy, full life after divorce.

Author Bio:  Jamie Cody is a writer for centernetworks.com and often writes about technology, business and various products and services like hostgator reviews.

 

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Guest Post: Enjoy your first Solo trip to America after Divorce

After divorce, travelling on an organised solo holiday can deliver more than a great trip to your chosen destination. You set off alone but new friendships form quickly. Sharing the experiences of your adventure with likeminded people makes the trip special and it will stay with you for a lifetime.
Choosing Where To Go And What To Do

When you find yourself single again following divorce one of the hardest things can be sorting out a holiday, yet a holiday can also be one of the best ways to move on and get a fresh perspective on your life. A quick glance at the itineraries available for singles holidays will be enough to whet your appetite, inspire your holiday choice and help you make that daunting first step. Adventure comes in different forms for different people, from the white knuckle adrenaline rush of rafting trips to treks in any of the wonderful National Parks to city tours which embrace the history of the country. Whether it’s a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon, fun and games in Las Vegas or a classic road trip America is positively bursting with iconic holiday destinations to choose from; no wonder it is such a favourite with holiday makers from across the world. The excitement of travel will help shift your focus to the future.

New Adventure New Friends
By electing to travel with a specialist singles tour operator you will ensure that you share your adventure with people who also hold your idea of what makes a great holiday. The companionship, laughter and fun that go hand in hand with meeting new people in a relaxed setting add a special dimension to any singles holiday, especially if you are making your first trip since your divorce. Additionally by joining a group you also get peace of mind and security, making it possible to head to places you would never go alone. The tour operator takes care of travel and accommodation arrangements, making the trip stress free. So whilst you are away your will not be wasting any time that could otherwise be spent simply enjoying the trip. Tour leaders do more than take the hassle out of planning and arranging the trip. If this is your first time post-divorce holiday the idea of setting off alone can be quite scary, even if you are joining a group, but tour guides and leaders will always welcome everyone, introduce the party members to each other and easing everyone into a relaxed and happy frame of mind. Special singles adventure trips are available for short or longer periods of time so whether you just have time for a week away or are lucky enough to have more free time on your hands you will be able to find a trip to suit for you.

All in all singles travel is rewarding and exciting. There is no better destination than North and Central America with such a vast array of options. People set out as strangers but within just a week there are tears as new friends are saying goodbye at the end of the holiday of a lifetime.

Author Bio:  Jennifer Doherty writes regularly on travel subjects for a range of websites and blogs. She is single and enjoys the freedom that solo travelling delivers. She has most recently made a number of trips to North America with special singles tours from http://www.trekamerica.co.uk/adventure-holidays-for-singles.html

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Guest Post: The Upside of Divorce

Although you may feel like burnt trash after a divorce is finalized there is light at the end of the tunnel. You may feel like you’ve lost your soul, but then again, you could also breathe a sigh of relief. Regardless of the reasons behind your divorce, here are some good things you gain from the experience.

Flirting – Some people are just naturally flirtatious regardless but feel they cannot flirt while they are in a relationship.  After the divorce, there is no guilt about shamelessly flirting with your bank teller.  Flirting is fun.

My Way – While you were married there were probably behaviors and hobbies that you had to give up in order to make your spouse happy. Now you are single you can take up those hobbies again or find new ones.

Meal Times – No more compromising on menus for the household. There is a good chance that you and your spouse didn’t see eye-to-eye on some types of food. Now, you are able to enjoy whatever foods you like without argument.

Decor – While many couples are in unison when it comes to home decor, many are not. You may compromise your artistic abilities in order to make someone else happy, even though you’re not. Living alone allows you to express yourself without arguments about colors, patterns or styles.

Friends – A common complaint about being a couple is the lack of being around the friends they had prior to a relationship. It’s not often that your spouse will enjoy the company of your friends as much as you do.  Now you are divorced you can enjoy your friendships that you felt you had to quell.

Dating Again – There are few experiences in life that can match up to the exhilaration of a new relationship or meeting for the first time. Entering the dating scene provides the opportunity to experience new love all over again.

Responsibility – Outside of a divorce that involved children, being single again allows you to focus on yourself. The only one you need to be responsible for is yourself. This feeling can be very liberating.

In today’s world, divorce is quite common. As long as both parties gave it all they could the experience isn’t actually wasted. Like all mistakes in your life, this could be viewed as one that could help make you aware of your own faults in order to excel at your next relationship.

Author Bio:  Sara is an active nanny as well as an active freelance writer. She is a frequent contributor of http://www.nannypro.com/.

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Guest Post: 5 Questions to Ask Before Dating After Divorce

Everything changes after a divorce. After months of dealing with filings, proceedings and divorce attorneys, it becomes time to determine what your next steps will be.

This is an amazing opportunity for you to pursue exactly what you want out of life. Along with your interests and career, and your relationships with friends and your children, a new romantic relationship may be something you are interested in. Before you start dating after a divorce, ask yourself these five questions.

Am I ready to date again?

It’s the most obvious question, but it’s also the most important. Your friends and family may be urging you to date again. Their remarks about how you should “get back out there” may feel like minor comments to them, but that kind of social pressure can be stressful.

It is your decision when you start dating again. You are in charge of this incredible and unique journey that is your life, so don’t hand over that decision-making power to anyone else.

Jumping back into the dating scene right after a divorce can be difficult because you are still figuring out what your new life will look like. You’ll need to assess the commitments you’re already making:

  • Commitments to your children.
  • Commitments to your family and friends.
  • Commitments to your job.

Are you ready to balance a new relationship with your other commitments? Only you will know the answer. And it may take some time to figure that out.

How are my children handling the divorce?

You may be ready to date again, but if you have children with your ex you will need to consider what is best for them as well. Whether it has been a couple of years or only a short time since your divorce, your first new relationship will be a very big change for your children.

No matter the age, it is common for children to have some hesitation when you are dating a new person. They may still harbor feelings that you and your ex will get back together. A new relationship attacks that hopeful feeling.

You can start dating again, but be cautious about how your children meet and interact with this new person. Date for a while before introducing someone to your children. If you don’t see the relationship lasting long term, you shouldn’t expose your children to adults that won’t be sticking around. If you think the relationship is going somewhere, find a safe and comfortable situation to introduce your children. Communication is key; make sure your children understand why you’re dating again, and lead conversations about how it makes them feel.

What is my relationship with my ex like?

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. Divorces can be finalized before feelings are. You might need more time, and you can also consider a healthy dose of therapy after a divorce.

To give yourself a real chance with a new relationship, your heart has to be open to the possibility of a new love. If there is any chance you’ll be saying “My ex is just like that,” or “Do you know what my ex did?” you need some more time to work things through.

Am I confident?

All of the emotions during a divorce can put you in a place where you need to rebuild happiness and confidence. Consider it a great opportunity to become the person you want to me.

Finding your confidence after a divorce is a gradual process. With effort and a positive attitude, you can find the confidence you are seeking in time.

Don’t offer your date a version of yourself that you aren’t comfortable with—wait until you feel good about where you are. When you present yourself as the confident and wonderful person that you are, you can find the confident and wonderful relationship you deserve.

Is a new romantic relationship what you need?

Before turning to a new relationship, remember the other commitments you are making that we discussed above. Is there more you want out of those commitments? Love is a big word, and it encompasses more than just romantic relationships.

Continuing to build a strong relationship with your children can provide the happiness you may have expected to come from a new relationship. Reconnecting with friends can do the same. Being single is also a great time to pursue the career opportunities you may have put on hold during your marriage.

If you are honest with yourself about the above questions and have a positive outlook on your future, you will know when it is time to date again.

Author Bio: Jack is a freelance writer based in Seattle who spends his hours hopping between an ergonomic keyboard and an old school typewriter. You can reach Jack by leaving a comment or connecting with him on Twitter.

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Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, New relationship after divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: How to Open Your Heart After a Divorce

Divorce isn’t fun. Whether it was your idea or your ex’s it’s a painful, time-consuming and often expensive process. However, one of the most difficult things about divorce can be learning to trust – and love – again.

If you’ve been married for a long time it can seem really odd to be in the dating phase of relationships again. Even if you weren’t the pain and difficulty of a divorce can cause you to do some very silly things that can cause additional pain to yourself and others. Here are some thoughts on how to open your heart after a divorce.

  • Take Your Time. When my divorce finalized all I could think about was rushing back into the dating scene. I wanted to find someone to undo the pain that my ex-husband had caused me, someone who could reassure me that I was beautiful, desirable and loveable. Fortunately, a wise friend advised me to take time away from dating to really heal and find my center. I’m deeply glad I took her advice. I needed the time to realize who I was and that I was worth treating well. This allowed me to enter into a healthy relationship with a man who respected me, which was a far cry from my former marriage. In a similar way, taking time will help you remember who you are and what your true value is, allowing healthy future relationships.
  • Don’t Compare. As a newly-single person, it can be easy to compare your life to others who seem to have it much easier than you do. You can find yourself becoming negative and badmouthing other relationships. A good friend of mine has a saying ‘the grass is always greener on the other side, but you don’t have to water it’. In other words, you don’t know the work that goes into other people’s relationships, and you certainly don’t know the dark side of what dirt there is under the surface. Don’t compare yourself or your relationships to others. Nothing good comes of it.
  • Find Support. A support group, an online site like this one, or close friends in your area can be invaluable after a divorce. I leaned heavily on my family after my divorce, especially because the timing coincided with me graduating college and changing my social friendships. I also participated in my faith community and found a lot of support there. Wherever you are able to find the support, make sure that it is uplifting and positive. The type of support where you badmouth your ex or do nothing but complain about relationships will not help you heal or move forward.
  • Ease Back Into Social Activities. Although some of your friends may want to take you out right after your divorce let them know if you need more time. Ease into the social scene – in particular you may want to start with activities that do not have a singles context. Go to a play, a concert, or a comedy show. Find a group that has an interest you enjoy, whether it’s knitting or fantasy football. Start to reconnect with people of both genders in neutral situations and move into dating when the time feels right.

A divorce is messy and painful. It can do a number on our self-esteem and our ability to relate with others. However, if you take your time, avoid comparisons, find support, and ease back into social activities you’ll be well on your way to opening your heart once again.

Author Bio:   Steph Potter is a freelance writer, mother, and an active runner. After her first marriage ended, she meditated, spent time with supportive friends, and participated in online  psychic readings by Psychic Source. She eventually moved on to have a loving second marriage that produced two happy, healthy children.

 

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Guest Post: Finding Strength Following a Divorce

Divorce can leave you feeling as if you are riding an emotional rollercoaster. You may not recognize yourself as a newly single person and may feel lost in a sea of unfamiliar emotions. Recovery seems impossible; life lacks focus. However, it is possible to recover from divorce and live a long, happy life. You may be hurting now, but following a few guidelines will help lessen the pain and lead you on the path to recovery. The following guidelines may offer you comfort and hope as you navigate this difficult journey through divorce.

1. Life will go on—No matter how tempting it is to just stay in bed, get up and get dressed every morning. Your life will go on.

2. Let yourself grieve—Divorce is not only the ending of a marriage, but also the ending of a lifestyle. It is important to grieve this loss. Coming to terms with this loss will evoke lots of emotions. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, no matter how difficult they may be.

3. Seek professional help—A good counselor or therapist can help you sort through the difficult and sometimes confusing emotions you are about to encounter. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

4. Reinvent yourself—Take some time to learn about yourself. Investigate your favorite past times, reinvent your personal sense of style, or invest in trying a new hobby. Discover who you are now, as a survivor of divorce.

5. Reconnect with your friends—A strong support system is imperative to a healthy healing process. It is common for people experiencing feelings of anger, hurt, or resentment to act irrationally. Your friends can listen to you vent while keeping you from doing or saying something you will regret later.

6. Rework your finances—Attorney and court fees will add up quickly and you may find yourself in a difficult financial situation once the assets have been divided. Bankruptcy after a divorce is very common; find yourself a trustworthy financial advisor to investigate and rebuilt your finances to adequately suit your needs as a newly single person.

7. Take Time—You may be tempted to jump into action by making large financial decisions, making drastic changes in work, or diving into the dating scene. Remember that you are grieving and take time to heal. Don’t make any decisions fueled by emotion—that fuel may be toxic in the future.

It is difficult to look past the pain you are feeling immediately following a divorce, but there is hope on the horizon. Be careful not to rush; Divorce takes time, healing takes longer! Embrace this time of reinventing yourself and enjoy the discovery process–you will be a stronger person once you understand what you have survived, understand who you are, and embrace your single future.

Author Byline:  Kelsey is the editor in chief for Find a Nanny. She loves to write article and ideas that parents & nannies would be interested in hearing. She helps society on giving information about nannies through Find a Nanny. She is a professional writer & loves writing on anything.

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Guest Post: Celebrate your new beginning with a divorce party

Finalizing a divorce not only marks the end of one stage of your life, but also the beginning of another. Being done with the nitty gritty details of divisions of property and other legal red tape will definitely lift a weight off your shoulders. Chances are you’ll be ready to kick back and relax with the people who have been your friends and support network throughout the process. Celebrate the beginning of a new chapter of your life by throwing a divorce party!

Setting the stage

A divorce party can be as simple or as elaborate as you’d like, but it should definitely include several components integral to any good party. Tunes are a must, so hook up your iPod to your stereo and choose a playlist of songs that make you happy. Food and drinks give you a chance to celebrate, and if you want, indulge a little. Don’t be afraid to serve and sample some rich foods; you can always resume eating more healthily tomorrow.

Decorations set the stage and should reflect your personality. Is there any part of you that you felt was getting suffocated in your marriage? Celebrate it at your divorce party. Maybe you decide to decorate with memorabilia your spouse didn’t care for, hosting a barbecue instead of eating vegetarian or simply decking out the house in flowers your ex was allergic to. Whatever you choose, be sure it reflects the self you are becoming or perhaps rediscovering.

Inviting your pals

One of the most difficult things about a divorce is that it may force many of the friends you and your ex had as a couple to choose sides. A divorce party is your chance to solidify the group of friends who will be going forward with you into your new chapter of life. A get-together with your support system is also a chance to get to know people better so you can fill in gaps in your social circles.

If you’re a social butterfly, chances are you’ll want to throw a big bash with everyone you can think of. If you’re more of an introvert, you may want to just invite your closest friends so you can feel comfortable and let your guard down at your party. It doesn’t matter if you throw a kegger or watch old movies with your best friend; do what you enjoy and what will make you feel good as you move forward with your life.

Activities for your divorce party

It’s up to you how you want to celebrate your new beginning, but there are several activities that commonly show up at divorce parties. Pick and choose from the ones that most appeal to you and don’t be afraid to invent your own fun:

  • As an icebreaker, have each guest pretend to be a famous divorced person and spend some time mingling and trying to guess who each one is pretending to be. Enjoy getting into character!
  •  Burn a copy of your marriage certificate as a symbolic way to express the dissolution of the marriage. Make sure it’s a photocopy. Divorced or not, you may need to send proof of your marriage to offices like the Social Security Administration to receive benefits from your ex.
  • Invite guests to give toasts to the future. Say goodbye to the past and don’t dwell on it.
  • Have everybody, including you, write down ideas of things for you to do now that the divorce is final. Put these all in a basket or jar that you can reference for future inspiration. Maybe you want to take up yoga, learn how to cook, move to a different city or change your career. Get inventive!

Moving forward after a divorce is a process and it’s helpful to have a milestone to mark the beginning. A healthy support network is vital. Make your party your own and don’t be afraid to include components that will be meaningful or freeing, if only to you.

Author Bio: Felicia Baratz is a freelance writer and graphic designer living in Indianapolis, IN. As a contributor to eatbreatheblog.com, she touches on green innovations and practices like green moving and transportation.

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Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem