Tag Archives: Post Divorce

Guest Post: 5 Things to Remember when Co-Parenting after Divorce

After the dispute is over and the child custody lawyers have done their job and been paid, parents embark on the difficult and enduring task of raising children with their former spouse. The bitterness that so often stems from the end of a marriage is difficult to put aside, but the trauma it causes to the children of divorced couples can be significant. The tips offered below will help guide parents through the delicate process of sharing custody.

  • Put Parenthood First

The most important thing for divorced couples to remember when it comes to custody issues is to put parenthood ahead of everything else. As angry or hurt as they may feel, those issues should have been addressed during the divorce. Now is the time to focus clearly on the best interests of their child or children. It can be difficult to overcome painful, if selfish feelings and work with the person who has left you feeling betrayed, but having a child with someone means that is your job, no matter what else occurs.

  • Forgive the Past

As difficult as it can be, letting go of the pain is the absolute best way to reduce the amount of trauma your children experience due to marital conflict. If you need help to manage this, family therapy doesn’t have to end because you have divorced. After all, you may no longer be married, but you will always be a family, and you and your children may benefit from some guidance and mediation from a professional counsellor.

  • Respect their Role

If forgiveness is more than you can currently manage, make sure that you are at least showing respect to your former spouse’s relationship with your child or children. Whatever their sins as a husband or wife, their role as a father or mother is critical in your children’s lives and remembering its importance can help you to come to peace with their continued presence in your life.

  • Discuss Important Decision

Although you are no longer married, as parents you will have a relationship for the rest of your lives. As with any other relationship, communication is the best way to keep things running smoothly. Openly discussing needs, obstacles, goals, and concerns will be the most effective way to avoid conflict and reach fair compromises. It will also help to keep the best interests of the child or children involved in sharp focus.

  • Parent Together

Self-awareness is something that many people struggle with, but understanding your ability to work with and be around your former partner is the only way to make to right custody plans for your family. For parents who are able to put aside their personal feelings or whose divorce was fairly amicable, coordinated parenting is the best way to go. With this method of shared custody, parents can work together, spend time with their children as a complete family unit, and collaborate on important decisions.

For couples who are left angry and unable to moderate their conflicts after divorce, parallel parenting may be the best option. In this arrangement, parents will coordinate through email and other indirect communication, while limiting their contact as much as possible to avoid traumatic fights that will impact their children negatively. If even this is more cooperation that they can achieve, intervention from a mediator or custody specialist may be necessary to ensure that the children are protected from continuing conflict between their parents.

Author Info:

Alan Brady is a freelance writer who focuses on issues that impact families. He currently writes for Attorneys.com, which connects people with local child custody lawyers.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Children and divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce

Guest Post: Divorce Lawyer Tips for Effective Co-Parenting

As a divorce lawyer it is not uncommon to see a lot of hostility and arguing between the parties during a divorce. Months and years of acrimonious living can lead to lots of hurt feelings and grudges. However, if children are involved it is important for both parties to understand that even though their marriage is over, their partnership in raising their child is not. Therefore, the parents together need to reach an effective co-parenting strategy for their child and themselves so that during this difficult time, the child feels a sense of stability.

Communication

I have found that a strong communication strategy can really help divorced parents. This requires each parent to let go of past hurts and disagreements. For those who find this difficult to do one effective strategy is to treat post-divorce interactions with you ex as you would a conversation with a difficult coworker – unpleasant but necessary. Conversations should be kept factual and professional and emotions should be left at the door.

This in no way means that you are required to agree with everything your former spouse thinks. Even married parents have different parenting styles. The important thing to remember is that you should keep communication lines open and you should never use your child as a messenger between you and your spouse unless you re sending a pleasant greeting or a thanks.

Involvement

Co-parenting requires involvement by both parents. It means cooperative scheduling and a bit of understanding. Flexibility is key. I have found that parents who put their child’s interests above their own wants have the most success. This means not being obsessed with the minutes and hours your child spends with your ex-spouse. For example, there may be times your child wants to go to a special party on the weekend when you have custody. You should consider your child’s wishes in this regard and decide whether it makes sense.

Explaining the Divorce to Your Child

I sometimes see former spouses get so wrapped up in their own emotions from the divorce that they forget just how impacted their children will be by the news of the divorce and exactly what it means. Remember to listen to your children, reassure them, and tell them you love them. If possible, try to make time for you and your ex to sit down together and reassure your child that he or she did not do anything wrong and did not cause the divorce. Hearing it from both parents together reinforces this idea. It may also be a good idea for former spouses and their children to talk together, or separately, with a professional.

Co-parenting is hard. It might be one of the most difficult things you ever do. I have found in my years of practice that if you can do this successfully you will have given your child a wonderful gift that many other children of divorce don’t have:  a peaceful childhood. For more resources on divorce and family law visit the  Morgan Law Firm blog.

Scott Morgan is a board certified divorce lawyer in Houston who regularly blogs on the subject of divorce and family law.

1 Comment

Filed under Children and divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, Post Divorce

Guest Post: Dating after divorce – the difficulties of that extra mile

Recovering after a divorce is often a difficult process, especially if your marriage didn’t end amicably. Having to split up your assets, change homes (or adjust to living in one alone) and find trustworthy divorce solicitors can all be stressful. But restoring your confidence in relationships and learning how to date again might seem particularly daunting.

It is important to consider when to start dating on your own terms instead of when others think you should be ready.  Once you take that step, here are some tips to help keep your new relationship in balance with the rest of your life.

Find easy ways to keep in touch. If you and your new significant other are both in the throes of full-time careers and/or still have children at home it can be a challenge to find time to build a new  relationship. The easiest way to overcome that challenge is to stay connected in ways that don’t necessarily require you to see each other in person every day. Talking on the phone, or even video calling, is a good way to stay in touch that only requires a few minutes a day. It can also be a way for you to ease back into dating again with less pressure.

Make the kids feel like a part of your relationship. If you do have young children, one of the most important steps you can take to make your new relationship easier for them is to be honest and upfront. Once you are in a committed relationship you should introduce your children to your new partner. If they have questions about you dating again help them understand how important it is to you. Try meeting on neutral ground, such as a park or a restaurant, at first so they don’t feel overwhelmed.

Have a date night once a week. Even with all the new technology available to help you keep in touch, face-to-face interaction is still an important part of any relationship. If you struggle to find time with each other starting a date night routine is a great way to remedy that. If you always know that you’re going to spend time together on the same day at the same time, it becomes easy to not plan anything else for that time.

Communicate your expectations and hopes.  Starting a new relationship should be a fun endeavor for you but it is important to have a conversation about what you would like to happen. It’s easy for spouses, after being together for a while, to just know what each other want. Learning how to be with someone new might mean that you have to talk about things that you haven’t had to in a long time. If you want to be in a committed relationship, putting that on the table can make all your other interactions with your new partner a lot easier.

Have fun.  Because why would you be dating otherwise? The beginning of any relationship should be about discovering a new person and falling in love. If you find yourself in constant anticipation or extremely happy then let yourself enjoy it. After a difficult divorce, you deserve it.

Cherrie is a freelance writer who currently specialises in writing about divorce, from finding family law solicitors to divorce forms.  You can find her on Twitter @Cherries_Scoop

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under Children and divorce, Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, New relationship after divorce, Post Divorce, Relationships

Guest Post: How to Rebuild Your Life after Divorce

A divorce represents much more than the end of your marriage – in many ways it is also the end of your old way of life. After a divorce you have to figure out a lot of things: How to live life on your own, who you are in the absence of your partner, how you will support yourself financially, where you will live, and even who your friends will be now that you don’t share the same friends as a couple.

Rebuilding your life after a divorce takes time. However, there are a few things you can do right away to make the process easier. Here are a few steps for how to rebuild your life after divorce:

Allow Yourself a Mourning Period

Your life as you knew it is over. Even if you were very unhappy in your marriage, and even if your divorce was very acrimonious, it is natural to feel grief and loss after a divorce. You have spent years building your identity based on someone else being in your life. Now you have to come to terms with that life being over and having to build a new one.

Give yourself a period to mourn that old life. You can’t rush into building a new, happy life for yourself – let alone start a new, happy relationship – without properly grieving your old one.

Spend Time with Family and Friends

Start rebuilding your life after a divorce by spending time with the people who know you best: Your family and your best friends. You will feel better being surrounded by the people who love you and who can offer you support through this difficult time. Lean on these people to give you advice or to just offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

Reconnect with Yourself

A large part of rebuilding your life after divorce is rediscovering yourself and finding out who you are when you’re no longer part of a couple. It may have been many years since you were single, and you may be a very different person now that you no longer have to make your choices with another person in mind.

You can reconnect with yourself by keeping a journal to explore your feelings or by indulging in expressive activities such as painting or dancing. You may be surprised at what you learn about yourself.

Reinvent Yourself

One way to really let go of your old life is to embrace a totally new you. Don’t try to reconstruct who you were; instead, try to reinvent who you will be. Start by giving yourself a makeover (if you want one). Seek out new activities and try doing some things you’ve always wanted to do. Go on a trip you have always wanted to take. Don’t accept definitions for who you are or what you do based on who you were in your relationship.

Don’t take on a makeover or reinvent yourself to try to impress your ex. Only do the things that make you feel good and that help you to move forward.

Meet New People

The best way to rebuild your life after divorce is to meet new people with which to create a new life. This includes new friends and, yes, even new romantic partners. Don’t jump right into dating again, and be especially wary of dating seriously for some time. However, you should take efforts to get out and meet new people to make new friends and to date casually.

Rebuilding your life after divorce won’t be easy. However, these simple steps can help get you started so that you can get back in touch with who you are and can create new and lasting relationships.

How did you rebuild your life after your divorce? Share your experiences and your tips for success in the comments!

Kay Winders is presently the resident writer for http://www.badcreditloans.org, where she researches the best way for people to pay off their debts without damaging their credit. In her spare time, she enjoys freelance writing, the beach and gardening. 

1 Comment

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: 5 Questions to Ask Before Dating After Divorce

Everything changes after a divorce. After months of dealing with filings, proceedings and divorce attorneys, it becomes time to determine what your next steps will be.

This is an amazing opportunity for you to pursue exactly what you want out of life. Along with your interests and career, and your relationships with friends and your children, a new romantic relationship may be something you are interested in. Before you start dating after a divorce, ask yourself these five questions.

Am I ready to date again?

It’s the most obvious question, but it’s also the most important. Your friends and family may be urging you to date again. Their remarks about how you should “get back out there” may feel like minor comments to them, but that kind of social pressure can be stressful.

It is your decision when you start dating again. You are in charge of this incredible and unique journey that is your life, so don’t hand over that decision-making power to anyone else.

Jumping back into the dating scene right after a divorce can be difficult because you are still figuring out what your new life will look like. You’ll need to assess the commitments you’re already making:

  • Commitments to your children.
  • Commitments to your family and friends.
  • Commitments to your job.

Are you ready to balance a new relationship with your other commitments? Only you will know the answer. And it may take some time to figure that out.

How are my children handling the divorce?

You may be ready to date again, but if you have children with your ex you will need to consider what is best for them as well. Whether it has been a couple of years or only a short time since your divorce, your first new relationship will be a very big change for your children.

No matter the age, it is common for children to have some hesitation when you are dating a new person. They may still harbor feelings that you and your ex will get back together. A new relationship attacks that hopeful feeling.

You can start dating again, but be cautious about how your children meet and interact with this new person. Date for a while before introducing someone to your children. If you don’t see the relationship lasting long term, you shouldn’t expose your children to adults that won’t be sticking around. If you think the relationship is going somewhere, find a safe and comfortable situation to introduce your children. Communication is key; make sure your children understand why you’re dating again, and lead conversations about how it makes them feel.

What is my relationship with my ex like?

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. Divorces can be finalized before feelings are. You might need more time, and you can also consider a healthy dose of therapy after a divorce.

To give yourself a real chance with a new relationship, your heart has to be open to the possibility of a new love. If there is any chance you’ll be saying “My ex is just like that,” or “Do you know what my ex did?” you need some more time to work things through.

Am I confident?

All of the emotions during a divorce can put you in a place where you need to rebuild happiness and confidence. Consider it a great opportunity to become the person you want to me.

Finding your confidence after a divorce is a gradual process. With effort and a positive attitude, you can find the confidence you are seeking in time.

Don’t offer your date a version of yourself that you aren’t comfortable with—wait until you feel good about where you are. When you present yourself as the confident and wonderful person that you are, you can find the confident and wonderful relationship you deserve.

Is a new romantic relationship what you need?

Before turning to a new relationship, remember the other commitments you are making that we discussed above. Is there more you want out of those commitments? Love is a big word, and it encompasses more than just romantic relationships.

Continuing to build a strong relationship with your children can provide the happiness you may have expected to come from a new relationship. Reconnecting with friends can do the same. Being single is also a great time to pursue the career opportunities you may have put on hold during your marriage.

If you are honest with yourself about the above questions and have a positive outlook on your future, you will know when it is time to date again.

Author Bio: Jack is a freelance writer based in Seattle who spends his hours hopping between an ergonomic keyboard and an old school typewriter. You can reach Jack by leaving a comment or connecting with him on Twitter.

3 Comments

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, New relationship after divorce, positive thinking, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: How to Open Your Heart After a Divorce

Divorce isn’t fun. Whether it was your idea or your ex’s it’s a painful, time-consuming and often expensive process. However, one of the most difficult things about divorce can be learning to trust – and love – again.

If you’ve been married for a long time it can seem really odd to be in the dating phase of relationships again. Even if you weren’t the pain and difficulty of a divorce can cause you to do some very silly things that can cause additional pain to yourself and others. Here are some thoughts on how to open your heart after a divorce.

  • Take Your Time. When my divorce finalized all I could think about was rushing back into the dating scene. I wanted to find someone to undo the pain that my ex-husband had caused me, someone who could reassure me that I was beautiful, desirable and loveable. Fortunately, a wise friend advised me to take time away from dating to really heal and find my center. I’m deeply glad I took her advice. I needed the time to realize who I was and that I was worth treating well. This allowed me to enter into a healthy relationship with a man who respected me, which was a far cry from my former marriage. In a similar way, taking time will help you remember who you are and what your true value is, allowing healthy future relationships.
  • Don’t Compare. As a newly-single person, it can be easy to compare your life to others who seem to have it much easier than you do. You can find yourself becoming negative and badmouthing other relationships. A good friend of mine has a saying ‘the grass is always greener on the other side, but you don’t have to water it’. In other words, you don’t know the work that goes into other people’s relationships, and you certainly don’t know the dark side of what dirt there is under the surface. Don’t compare yourself or your relationships to others. Nothing good comes of it.
  • Find Support. A support group, an online site like this one, or close friends in your area can be invaluable after a divorce. I leaned heavily on my family after my divorce, especially because the timing coincided with me graduating college and changing my social friendships. I also participated in my faith community and found a lot of support there. Wherever you are able to find the support, make sure that it is uplifting and positive. The type of support where you badmouth your ex or do nothing but complain about relationships will not help you heal or move forward.
  • Ease Back Into Social Activities. Although some of your friends may want to take you out right after your divorce let them know if you need more time. Ease into the social scene – in particular you may want to start with activities that do not have a singles context. Go to a play, a concert, or a comedy show. Find a group that has an interest you enjoy, whether it’s knitting or fantasy football. Start to reconnect with people of both genders in neutral situations and move into dating when the time feels right.

A divorce is messy and painful. It can do a number on our self-esteem and our ability to relate with others. However, if you take your time, avoid comparisons, find support, and ease back into social activities you’ll be well on your way to opening your heart once again.

Author Bio:   Steph Potter is a freelance writer, mother, and an active runner. After her first marriage ended, she meditated, spent time with supportive friends, and participated in online  psychic readings by Psychic Source. She eventually moved on to have a loving second marriage that produced two happy, healthy children.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, Post Divorce, self-esteem

Guest Post: How to Dump your Divorce Depression

Divorce is a painful period of life for most couples. Many individuals are unable to deal with the failure of a relationship. They hold themselves responsible for the failure of their marriage. It is natural to feel depressed, but you need to learn to get yourself out of this depression, so that you can continue living your life. It is important to understand divorce, but it does not mean the end of your life. Due to a failed relationship you may lose your confidence, feel low all the time, and feel bogged down. Divorce not only affects your personal life, but your professional life as well, if you do not take required steps to dump the divorce depression.

It is essential to deal with depression and move ahead in life. Therefore, I have listed here some pointers that would help you to dump divorce depression.

  • Feel better about yourself: You tend to feel low after your divorce. Low self confidence and low self-esteem is observed in people, who have recently been through divorce. Things did not work between you and your spouse that does not mean that any of your future personal and profession relationships would not work. A small effort that you need to take to get rid of depression is to make yourself feel better by listing down 5 to 10 things about yourself that you like. During such depressing time, you might find it difficult to jolt down these points. You can get help from your close friends or family members to list good things about you. Write all the good things about you on a piece of paper and paste it on your study table or next to your bed, so that you can read them as and when possible and feel elated.
  • Plan your work: Even though you have been through a divorce and just feel like mourning for few days it is important for you to deal with your daily responsibilities. Due to the case proceedings, you might not have got time to complete various house-hold tasks, so it is recommended to make a list of those tasks. Along with the pending work, jot down the tasks that you need to complete in the coming week and month. Make sure that you put a deadline for each task and start completing it. This will help you keep busy; thereby avoiding unnecessary tension due to pending tasks.
  • Maintain diary: At times you feel that life has been unjust to you, but it vital to have gratitude for the little good things that we ignore in our life. During these testing times your friends might have stood by you. Your sibling or parents must have helped you to step your life again or might have paid a visit to check your well-being. It is important to appreciate these good deeds and feel positive. You can start maintaining a dairy, which you can fill with stories about people’s good deeds. This will help you to gain positive energy, feel happy, and appreciate life the way it is.
  • Be close to nature: In our busy schedule, we hardly get anytime to be close to nature. Being close to the concrete jungle, working 16 to 18 hours a day, eating junk food makes us feel low. You do not have to spend too much to be close to nature; all you need to do is visit the nearby park or beach for a morning or evening walk. It will help you to feel refreshed and forget your worries.
  • Get profession help: It is important to understand that depression is a mental disease and even after several attempts to get rid of it, if you feel extremely depressed then is the right time for you to visit a counselor. Consult your close ones and find out about a good post-divorce counselor. Getting professional help at the right time will help you to deal with depression and look forward to life after divorce.

Depression after divorce is inevitable, but if you are determined to take efforts to deal with it and enjoy your life, then you can look forward to a joyous life filled with wonderful moments to cherish.

Author Bio:  Hello, My name is Rose Morin. I am freelance writer. I have write on providing divorce tips such how to file divorce papers. My article shows different topics like men and women relationships, free tips on getting cheap divorce, various divorce forms, edivorceinflorida etc.

 

1 Comment

Filed under Confidence after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Support, Life after Divorce, Post Divorce, self-esteem