Guest Post: How to Rebuild Your Life after Divorce

A divorce represents much more than the end of your marriage – in many ways it is also the end of your old way of life. After a divorce you have to figure out a lot of things: How to live life on your own, who you are in the absence of your partner, how you will support yourself financially, where you will live, and even who your friends will be now that you don’t share the same friends as a couple.

Rebuilding your life after a divorce takes time. However, there are a few things you can do right away to make the process easier. Here are a few steps for how to rebuild your life after divorce:

Allow Yourself a Mourning Period

Your life as you knew it is over. Even if you were very unhappy in your marriage, and even if your divorce was very acrimonious, it is natural to feel grief and loss after a divorce. You have spent years building your identity based on someone else being in your life. Now you have to come to terms with that life being over and having to build a new one.

Give yourself a period to mourn that old life. You can’t rush into building a new, happy life for yourself – let alone start a new, happy relationship – without properly grieving your old one.

Spend Time with Family and Friends

Start rebuilding your life after a divorce by spending time with the people who know you best: Your family and your best friends. You will feel better being surrounded by the people who love you and who can offer you support through this difficult time. Lean on these people to give you advice or to just offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

Reconnect with Yourself

A large part of rebuilding your life after divorce is rediscovering yourself and finding out who you are when you’re no longer part of a couple. It may have been many years since you were single, and you may be a very different person now that you no longer have to make your choices with another person in mind.

You can reconnect with yourself by keeping a journal to explore your feelings or by indulging in expressive activities such as painting or dancing. You may be surprised at what you learn about yourself.

Reinvent Yourself

One way to really let go of your old life is to embrace a totally new you. Don’t try to reconstruct who you were; instead, try to reinvent who you will be. Start by giving yourself a makeover (if you want one). Seek out new activities and try doing some things you’ve always wanted to do. Go on a trip you have always wanted to take. Don’t accept definitions for who you are or what you do based on who you were in your relationship.

Don’t take on a makeover or reinvent yourself to try to impress your ex. Only do the things that make you feel good and that help you to move forward.

Meet New People

The best way to rebuild your life after divorce is to meet new people with which to create a new life. This includes new friends and, yes, even new romantic partners. Don’t jump right into dating again, and be especially wary of dating seriously for some time. However, you should take efforts to get out and meet new people to make new friends and to date casually.

Rebuilding your life after divorce won’t be easy. However, these simple steps can help get you started so that you can get back in touch with who you are and can create new and lasting relationships.

How did you rebuild your life after your divorce? Share your experiences and your tips for success in the comments!

Kay Winders is presently the resident writer for http://www.badcreditloans.org, where she researches the best way for people to pay off their debts without damaging their credit. In her spare time, she enjoys freelance writing, the beach and gardening. 

Guest Post: Enjoy your first Solo trip to America after Divorce

After divorce, travelling on an organised solo holiday can deliver more than a great trip to your chosen destination. You set off alone but new friendships form quickly. Sharing the experiences of your adventure with likeminded people makes the trip special and it will stay with you for a lifetime.
Choosing Where To Go And What To Do

When you find yourself single again following divorce one of the hardest things can be sorting out a holiday, yet a holiday can also be one of the best ways to move on and get a fresh perspective on your life. A quick glance at the itineraries available for singles holidays will be enough to whet your appetite, inspire your holiday choice and help you make that daunting first step. Adventure comes in different forms for different people, from the white knuckle adrenaline rush of rafting trips to treks in any of the wonderful National Parks to city tours which embrace the history of the country. Whether it’s a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon, fun and games in Las Vegas or a classic road trip America is positively bursting with iconic holiday destinations to choose from; no wonder it is such a favourite with holiday makers from across the world. The excitement of travel will help shift your focus to the future.

New Adventure New Friends
By electing to travel with a specialist singles tour operator you will ensure that you share your adventure with people who also hold your idea of what makes a great holiday. The companionship, laughter and fun that go hand in hand with meeting new people in a relaxed setting add a special dimension to any singles holiday, especially if you are making your first trip since your divorce. Additionally by joining a group you also get peace of mind and security, making it possible to head to places you would never go alone. The tour operator takes care of travel and accommodation arrangements, making the trip stress free. So whilst you are away your will not be wasting any time that could otherwise be spent simply enjoying the trip. Tour leaders do more than take the hassle out of planning and arranging the trip. If this is your first time post-divorce holiday the idea of setting off alone can be quite scary, even if you are joining a group, but tour guides and leaders will always welcome everyone, introduce the party members to each other and easing everyone into a relaxed and happy frame of mind. Special singles adventure trips are available for short or longer periods of time so whether you just have time for a week away or are lucky enough to have more free time on your hands you will be able to find a trip to suit for you.

All in all singles travel is rewarding and exciting. There is no better destination than North and Central America with such a vast array of options. People set out as strangers but within just a week there are tears as new friends are saying goodbye at the end of the holiday of a lifetime.

Author Bio:  Jennifer Doherty writes regularly on travel subjects for a range of websites and blogs. She is single and enjoys the freedom that solo travelling delivers. She has most recently made a number of trips to North America with special singles tours from http://www.trekamerica.co.uk/adventure-holidays-for-singles.html

Guest Post: 5 Questions to Ask Before Dating After Divorce

Everything changes after a divorce. After months of dealing with filings, proceedings and divorce attorneys, it becomes time to determine what your next steps will be.

This is an amazing opportunity for you to pursue exactly what you want out of life. Along with your interests and career, and your relationships with friends and your children, a new romantic relationship may be something you are interested in. Before you start dating after a divorce, ask yourself these five questions.

Am I ready to date again?

It’s the most obvious question, but it’s also the most important. Your friends and family may be urging you to date again. Their remarks about how you should “get back out there” may feel like minor comments to them, but that kind of social pressure can be stressful.

It is your decision when you start dating again. You are in charge of this incredible and unique journey that is your life, so don’t hand over that decision-making power to anyone else.

Jumping back into the dating scene right after a divorce can be difficult because you are still figuring out what your new life will look like. You’ll need to assess the commitments you’re already making:

• Commitments to your children.
• Commitments to your family and friends.
• Commitments to your job.

Are you ready to balance a new relationship with your other commitments? Only you will know the answer. And it may take some time to figure that out.

How are my children handling the divorce?

You may be ready to date again, but if you have children with your ex you will need to consider what is best for them as well. Whether it has been a couple of years or only a short time since your divorce, your first new relationship will be a very big change for your children.

No matter the age, it is common for children to have some hesitation when you are dating a new person. They may still harbor feelings that you and your ex will get back together. A new relationship attacks that hopeful feeling.

You can start dating again, but be cautious about how your children meet and interact with this new person. Date for a while before introducing someone to your children. If you don’t see the relationship lasting long term, you shouldn’t expose your children to adults that won’t be sticking around. If you think the relationship is going somewhere, find a safe and comfortable situation to introduce your children. Communication is key; make sure your children understand why you’re dating again, and lead conversations about how it makes them feel.

What is my relationship with my ex like?

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, you are not ready for a new relationship. Divorces can be finalized before feelings are. You might need more time, and you can also consider a healthy dose of therapy after a divorce.

To give yourself a real chance with a new relationship, your heart has to be open to the possibility of a new love. If there is any chance you’ll be saying “My ex is just like that,” or “Do you know what my ex did?” you need some more time to work things through.

Am I confident?

All of the emotions during a divorce can put you in a place where you need to rebuild happiness and confidence. Consider it a great opportunity to become the person you want to me.

Finding your confidence after a divorce is a gradual process. With effort and a positive attitude, you can find the confidence you are seeking in time.

Don’t offer your date a version of yourself that you aren’t comfortable with—wait until you feel good about where you are. When you present yourself as the confident and wonderful person that you are, you can find the confident and wonderful relationship you deserve.

Is a new romantic relationship what you need?

Before turning to a new relationship, remember the other commitments you are making that we discussed above. Is there more you want out of those commitments? Love is a big word, and it encompasses more than just romantic relationships.

Continuing to build a strong relationship with your children can provide the happiness you may have expected to come from a new relationship. Reconnecting with friends can do the same. Being single is also a great time to pursue the career opportunities you may have put on hold during your marriage.

If you are honest with yourself about the above questions and have a positive outlook on your future, you will know when it is time to date again.

Author Bio: Jack is a freelance writer based in Seattle who spends his hours hopping between an ergonomic keyboard and an old school typewriter. You can reach Jack by leaving a comment or connecting with him on Twitter.

Guest Post: How to Open Your Heart After a Divorce

Divorce isn’t fun. Whether it was your idea or your ex’s it’s a painful, time-consuming and often expensive process. However, one of the most difficult things about divorce can be learning to trust – and love – again.

If you’ve been married for a long time it can seem really odd to be in the dating phase of relationships again. Even if you weren’t the pain and difficulty of a divorce can cause you to do some very silly things that can cause additional pain to yourself and others. Here are some thoughts on how to open your heart after a divorce.

• Take Your Time. When my divorce finalized all I could think about was rushing back into the dating scene. I wanted to find someone to undo the pain that my ex-husband had caused me, someone who could reassure me that I was beautiful, desirable and loveable. Fortunately, a wise friend advised me to take time away from dating to really heal and find my center. I’m deeply glad I took her advice. I needed the time to realize who I was and that I was worth treating well. This allowed me to enter into a healthy relationship with a man who respected me, which was a far cry from my former marriage. In a similar way, taking time will help you remember who you are and what your true value is, allowing healthy future relationships.
• Don’t Compare. As a newly-single person, it can be easy to compare your life to others who seem to have it much easier than you do. You can find yourself becoming negative and badmouthing other relationships. A good friend of mine has a saying ‘the grass is always greener on the other side, but you don’t have to water it’. In other words, you don’t know the work that goes into other people’s relationships, and you certainly don’t know the dark side of what dirt there is under the surface. Don’t compare yourself or your relationships to others. Nothing good comes of it.
• Find Support. A support group, an online site like this one, or close friends in your area can be invaluable after a divorce. I leaned heavily on my family after my divorce, especially because the timing coincided with me graduating college and changing my social friendships. I also participated in my faith community and found a lot of support there. Wherever you are able to find the support, make sure that it is uplifting and positive. The type of support where you badmouth your ex or do nothing but complain about relationships will not help you heal or move forward.
• Ease Back Into Social Activities. Although some of your friends may want to take you out right after your divorce let them know if you need more time. Ease into the social scene – in particular you may want to start with activities that do not have a singles context. Go to a play, a concert, or a comedy show. Find a group that has an interest you enjoy, whether it’s knitting or fantasy football. Start to reconnect with people of both genders in neutral situations and move into dating when the time feels right.

A divorce is messy and painful. It can do a number on our self-esteem and our ability to relate with others. However, if you take your time, avoid comparisons, find support, and ease back into social activities you’ll be well on your way to opening your heart once again.

Author Bio:   Steph Potter is a freelance writer, mother, and an active runner. After her first marriage ended, she meditated, spent time with supportive friends, and participated in online  psychic readings by Psychic Source. She eventually moved on to have a loving second marriage that produced two happy, healthy children.

 

Guest Post: How to Dump your Divorce Depression

Divorce is a painful period of life for most couples. Many individuals are unable to deal with the failure of a relationship. They hold themselves responsible for the failure of their marriage. It is natural to feel depressed, but you need to learn to get yourself out of this depression, so that you can continue living your life. It is important to understand divorce, but it does not mean the end of your life. Due to a failed relationship you may lose your confidence, feel low all the time, and feel bogged down. Divorce not only affects your personal life, but your professional life as well, if you do not take required steps to dump the divorce depression.

It is essential to deal with depression and move ahead in life. Therefore, I have listed here some pointers that would help you to dump divorce depression.

• Feel better about yourself: You tend to feel low after your divorce. Low self confidence and low self-esteem is observed in people, who have recently been through divorce. Things did not work between you and your spouse that does not mean that any of your future personal and profession relationships would not work. A small effort that you need to take to get rid of depression is to make yourself feel better by listing down 5 to 10 things about yourself that you like. During such depressing time, you might find it difficult to jolt down these points. You can get help from your close friends or family members to list good things about you. Write all the good things about you on a piece of paper and paste it on your study table or next to your bed, so that you can read them as and when possible and feel elated.
• Plan your work: Even though you have been through a divorce and just feel like mourning for few days it is important for you to deal with your daily responsibilities. Due to the case proceedings, you might not have got time to complete various house-hold tasks, so it is recommended to make a list of those tasks. Along with the pending work, jot down the tasks that you need to complete in the coming week and month. Make sure that you put a deadline for each task and start completing it. This will help you keep busy; thereby avoiding unnecessary tension due to pending tasks.
• Maintain diary: At times you feel that life has been unjust to you, but it vital to have gratitude for the little good things that we ignore in our life. During these testing times your friends might have stood by you. Your sibling or parents must have helped you to step your life again or might have paid a visit to check your well-being. It is important to appreciate these good deeds and feel positive. You can start maintaining a dairy, which you can fill with stories about people’s good deeds. This will help you to gain positive energy, feel happy, and appreciate life the way it is.
• Be close to nature: In our busy schedule, we hardly get anytime to be close to nature. Being close to the concrete jungle, working 16 to 18 hours a day, eating junk food makes us feel low. You do not have to spend too much to be close to nature; all you need to do is visit the nearby park or beach for a morning or evening walk. It will help you to feel refreshed and forget your worries.
• Get profession help: It is important to understand that depression is a mental disease and even after several attempts to get rid of it, if you feel extremely depressed then is the right time for you to visit a counselor. Consult your close ones and find out about a good post-divorce counselor. Getting professional help at the right time will help you to deal with depression and look forward to life after divorce.

Depression after divorce is inevitable, but if you are determined to take efforts to deal with it and enjoy your life, then you can look forward to a joyous life filled with wonderful moments to cherish.

Author Bio:  Hello, My name is Rose Morin. I am freelance writer. I have write on providing divorce tips such how to file divorce papers. My article shows different topics like men and women relationships, free tips on getting cheap divorce, various divorce forms, edivorceinflorida etc.

 

Guest Post: How to Find Happiness after Divorce

Divorce is a process to legally end the marital bond that you and your spouse shared. The lengthy court procedures can make you feel physically and emotionally stressed. What you need to understand is that divorce is not the end of life, but a chance to give your life another new beginning. It has been observed that many individuals are unable to bear the sudden void they feel in their life after getting divorced. It is definitely difficult to deal with life after divorce, but if you make some minute changes in your daily life and make a conscious effort to deal with this emotional turmoil, then you will be able to find happiness after divorce.

Here are some simple yet effective tips that I have jotted down for you, so that you are successful in finding happiness after divorce.

• Manage finances: You may have never managed your finances. If it was your spouse who looked after the finances. It is time that you start managing your finances. You have already paid enough for the legal proceedings of your divorce. If you do not manage your finances then you are going to get yourself into big trouble. Get yourself busy, get a pen and paper or use Ms Excel to note down your daily expenses, plan your future expenditure, and work out how to pay any debts.
• Plan your day: Many divorced individuals are unable to bear the sudden loneliness in their life. They do not plan their day; they are not aware of their plans for the day or the next day and so on. These individuals need to plan their day. Make a schedule of when to wake up, eat, watch television, take the dog for a walk, exercise, make phone calls, cook, work, etc. You need to get back to a daily schedule and not surrender yourself to depression or drug addiction. You can enjoy being alone, by doing small things for yourself.
• Mourn: The scars of a broken relationship will take some time to heal. If you feel like crying or staying alone, then you can do so but only for certain time period. Sooner or later you need to get back to life.
• Socialize: Many divorced individuals avoid social occasions. There is no harm in meeting close friends over a cup of coffee. Why miss spending time with your close relatives and friends, just because you got divorced. Make sure that before you attend any social get-together or party, you prepare yourself for the whispers that you might hear about your broken marriage. It is time to stop bothering about such people and live your life.
• Avoid jumping on to the dating bandwagon: Recent research has found that many individuals with broken relationship or marriage just get on to the dating bandwagon, so that they can get rid of their loneliness and sorrow. Such a dating spree is going to do you no good, if you really want to start a new relationship then first give yourself sometime to accept your divorce and move on with your life.
• Exercise and eat: Eating healthy food and looking after your well-being are your own responsibilities now. Plan a healthy diet for yourself and stick to it. You do not have to go on a strict weight loss plan but eat healthy food, so that you feel healthy and fresh. Eating take-away or ready-to-cook food will harm your health and make you feel more depressed. If you find difficult to get motivated to exercise, then plan a game of tennis with your friends or visit the nearest club for a swimming lesson or just go for a walk. A little fresh air and adrenaline rush will make you feel refreshed and happy.

Above mentioned are few simple tips that would help you deal with life after divorce. By making minor changes in your life you can deal with these difficult times.

Author Bio.  Hello, My name is Rosen Mooralian. I am a freelance writer living in Houston, Texas. I have written different articles for different topics like men and women relationship, divorce laws in Texas, orders for divorce, various types of divorce forms, edivorceintexas.com  etc.

Guest Post: Finding Strength Following a Divorce

Divorce can leave you feeling as if you are riding an emotional rollercoaster. You may not recognize yourself as a newly single person and may feel lost in a sea of unfamiliar emotions. Recovery seems impossible; life lacks focus. However, it is possible to recover from divorce and live a long, happy life. You may be hurting now, but following a few guidelines will help lessen the pain and lead you on the path to recovery. The following guidelines may offer you comfort and hope as you navigate this difficult journey through divorce.

1. Life will go on—No matter how tempting it is to just stay in bed, get up and get dressed every morning. Your life will go on.

2. Let yourself grieve—Divorce is not only the ending of a marriage, but also the ending of a lifestyle. It is important to grieve this loss. Coming to terms with this loss will evoke lots of emotions. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, no matter how difficult they may be.

3. Seek professional help—A good counselor or therapist can help you sort through the difficult and sometimes confusing emotions you are about to encounter. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

4. Reinvent yourself—Take some time to learn about yourself. Investigate your favorite past times, reinvent your personal sense of style, or invest in trying a new hobby. Discover who you are now, as a survivor of divorce.

5. Reconnect with your friends—A strong support system is imperative to a healthy healing process. It is common for people experiencing feelings of anger, hurt, or resentment to act irrationally. Your friends can listen to you vent while keeping you from doing or saying something you will regret later.

6. Rework your finances—Attorney and court fees will add up quickly and you may find yourself in a difficult financial situation once the assets have been divided. Bankruptcy after a divorce is very common; find yourself a trustworthy financial advisor to investigate and rebuilt your finances to adequately suit your needs as a newly single person.

7. Take Time—You may be tempted to jump into action by making large financial decisions, making drastic changes in work, or diving into the dating scene. Remember that you are grieving and take time to heal. Don’t make any decisions fueled by emotion—that fuel may be toxic in the future.

It is difficult to look past the pain you are feeling immediately following a divorce, but there is hope on the horizon. Be careful not to rush; Divorce takes time, healing takes longer! Embrace this time of reinventing yourself and enjoy the discovery process–you will be a stronger person once you understand what you have survived, understand who you are, and embrace your single future.

Author Byline:  Kelsey is the editor in chief for Find a Nanny. She loves to write article and ideas that parents & nannies would be interested in hearing. She helps society on giving information about nannies through Find a Nanny. She is a professional writer & loves writing on anything.

Guest Post: Celebrate your new beginning with a divorce party

Finalizing a divorce not only marks the end of one stage of your life, but also the beginning of another. Being done with the nitty gritty details of divisions of property and other legal red tape will definitely lift a weight off your shoulders. Chances are you’ll be ready to kick back and relax with the people who have been your friends and support network throughout the process. Celebrate the beginning of a new chapter of your life by throwing a divorce party!

Setting the stage

A divorce party can be as simple or as elaborate as you’d like, but it should definitely include several components integral to any good party. Tunes are a must, so hook up your iPod to your stereo and choose a playlist of songs that make you happy. Food and drinks give you a chance to celebrate, and if you want, indulge a little. Don’t be afraid to serve and sample some rich foods; you can always resume eating more healthily tomorrow.

Decorations set the stage and should reflect your personality. Is there any part of you that you felt was getting suffocated in your marriage? Celebrate it at your divorce party. Maybe you decide to decorate with memorabilia your spouse didn’t care for, hosting a barbecue instead of eating vegetarian or simply decking out the house in flowers your ex was allergic to. Whatever you choose, be sure it reflects the self you are becoming or perhaps rediscovering.

Inviting your pals

One of the most difficult things about a divorce is that it may force many of the friends you and your ex had as a couple to choose sides. A divorce party is your chance to solidify the group of friends who will be going forward with you into your new chapter of life. A get-together with your support system is also a chance to get to know people better so you can fill in gaps in your social circles.

If you’re a social butterfly, chances are you’ll want to throw a big bash with everyone you can think of. If you’re more of an introvert, you may want to just invite your closest friends so you can feel comfortable and let your guard down at your party. It doesn’t matter if you throw a kegger or watch old movies with your best friend; do what you enjoy and what will make you feel good as you move forward with your life.

Activities for your divorce party

It’s up to you how you want to celebrate your new beginning, but there are several activities that commonly show up at divorce parties. Pick and choose from the ones that most appeal to you and don’t be afraid to invent your own fun:

• As an icebreaker, have each guest pretend to be a famous divorced person and spend some time mingling and trying to guess who each one is pretending to be. Enjoy getting into character!
•  Burn a copy of your marriage certificate as a symbolic way to express the dissolution of the marriage. Make sure it’s a photocopy. Divorced or not, you may need to send proof of your marriage to offices like the Social Security Administration to receive benefits from your ex.
• Invite guests to give toasts to the future. Say goodbye to the past and don’t dwell on it.
• Have everybody, including you, write down ideas of things for you to do now that the divorce is final. Put these all in a basket or jar that you can reference for future inspiration. Maybe you want to take up yoga, learn how to cook, move to a different city or change your career. Get inventive!

Moving forward after a divorce is a process and it’s helpful to have a milestone to mark the beginning. A healthy support network is vital. Make your party your own and don’t be afraid to include components that will be meaningful or freeing, if only to you.

Author Bio: Felicia Baratz is a freelance writer and graphic designer living in Indianapolis, IN. As a contributor to eatbreatheblog.com, she touches on green innovations and practices like green moving and transportation.

Guest Post: How to Talk To Your Ex after Divorce

It is an unfortunate fact that after divorce you’ll often be unable to avoid your ex completely. There can be many reasons for this, including children, finances, friends, in-laws, etc. etc.

The truth of the matter is that you and your ex shared a significant part of your life together and will always have that in common. So erasing them after divorce isn’t really possible.

Divorce is an emotional experience, and it is important not to let it ruin a significant part of your life or embitter you to life ahead. It is important to accept the fact that divorce is real, final and understandable.

Even more important is understanding and accepting that you will not be able to completely cut your ex out of your life, especially if you share children. So, there will always be the need to communicate in some fashion with your ex. Here are some quick tips to help you when you have to talk to your ex after divorce, and are uncomfortable with the situation.

1)      Be professional

Everyone knows what is and isn’t appropriate in a professional atmosphere. The best bet for successfully dealing with your ex, especially immediately after divorce, is if you act as professional as possible.

Don’t bring up emotional topics, talk about your personal life, ask for advice, or even ask them how they’re doing. What good can come of it? If they seem happy, it just serves to make you angrier and more bitter. If they’re sad it can cause guilt, anger, sadness and confusion. And if they rebuff you it can be emotionally devastating. So, stay professional, at the very least until the raw emotions start to fade.

2)      Be respectful

Unless you had an extremely amicable splitting, this will more than likely be a struggle. But it’s important to invest in moving forward with your life. A large piece of this will be learning to put the past behind you, moving forward, and being able to deal humanely with your ex. This means respectful communication.

This combines naturally with being professional. Even if it’s just an exterior you originally have to project, it will help in your communication with your ex. Eventually it will hopefully become less of a façade and truly the way you interact with your ex.

3)      Be confident

Often people categorize divorce as failure, and that failure with shame. There’s no reason for this however; it’s human nature to grow and change. And as unfortunate as it is, sometimes people grow apart. Don’t fall into the trap of guilt or shame during or after a divorce—these feelings are completely unproductive and only serve to hurt your future growth.

Being confident is an extremely important part of learning to communicate with your ex. Whether your divorce ended on friendly terms or not, more than likely you know enough about each other to push buttons. Being confident in your interactions can help you resist the urge to play these games, and hopefully give you the strength needed if they resort to less-than-adult tactics such as these.

4)      Be independent

Independence after divorce is rough. It can be a serious struggle to accept the official distance between you and your ex, and the new role you find yourself in. But, it is important to accept your new life, in which independence plays a large part.

It can be tempting to search for a new relationship with which to fill your time, and is often natural. However, you should resist this until you’ve learned to be completely independent.

Similarly, independence is extremely important when dealing with your ex. There can be temptation to return to the familiar. Everyone has felt that shortening of distance when dealing with an ex. It can be hard to believe and understand life after your marriage. But independence is important in maintaining normal, rational, productive and healthy communication with your ex—not to mention moving forward with your new life.

5)      Be brief

Brevity is vital in early stages of communication with your ex. More than likely you will find yourself stressed, frustrated, angry, or bitter when you first begin talking to your ex again. If you’re being overwhelmed by these feelings, make the conversation brief. Even if they don’t understand, you need to do what’s right for you.

Practicing common sense will help you talk to your ex after divorce successfully. The problem is that emotions tend to override more practical feelings, clouding judgment and leading to further problems. Your best bet to help prevent this is communicating in a professional, respectful, confident, independent, and brief manner.

Remember that no matter how hurt, upset, mad, or bitter you are about your divorce it will get better. And like it or not, you’ll probably have to continue to deal with your ex in the future—especially if there are children involved. Civility is important, and should be practiced as much as possible.

Author Bio:  Alan Brady is a passionate blogger who loves to share his personal experiences concerning divorce, his daughters, and being a single parent. He is a freelance writer for the divorce lawyer locator, attorneys.com.

Guest Post: Building up your self-confidence after a divorce

Building up your self-confidence after a divorce can be a formidable challenge but if you face it head on and work through it you’re going to do just fine. Take time for yourself and let the healing begin by following these easy steps to build up your self-confidence.

Forgive yourself

Forgiving oneself for a divorce is often a difficult task but it can be done. Remember that unless you forgive yourself you can’t move on with your life. Learn from your mistakes. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget, it simply means you let go of the pain and anger. Forgive yourself for any wrongs you have done in the relationship and vow never again to make the same mistakes.

Forgive your ex

No, that doesn’t mean your ex was right, it simply means you let go of the pain and anger and move on with your life. If you were cheated on, stop laying blame and let go of it. You don’t want a cheater anyway – you want someone you can trust. There is someone better in store for you in your life and when the time is right you’ll find them.

Move forward

Don’t live in the past. Move forward with your life. This is your time. Take this opportunity to go back to school, move to a new area or start a new career. Start your life over and create a new life with new memories. Do what’s best for you and don’t worry about what others think. It’s not their life, it’s your life and you deserve to live it just like you want to.

Talk with family and friends

You’re going to lose some friends and gain some friends through this divorce. Talk with those who care about you and let go of those who are judgmental and tell you how wrong you were. Get close to your good friends and family members who can help you or have been in a similar situation. Don’t worry about what your great aunt thinks or someone who doesn’t know you well, it’s not really their business, it’s yours and you are the one that must live your life.

Don’t be afraid to seek Counselling

Even the most planned divorce can cause undue emotional pain and trauma. If you’re finding yourself sinking into a depression, seek counselling and get yourself back on track. Everyone needs a little bit of help sometimes and there is no shame in getting this help.

Get up, get out and get moving

Don’t sit around bemoaning your situation, this is the perfect opportunity to start a new hobby or exercise class. You’ll make new friends and start living life again. Step out of your comfort zone and just do it. The first few times will seem awkward but before you know it you’ll be making new friends and having a great time.

Make new memories

Along with that new hobby, job or craft you’ll find yourself making new memories. Enjoy them and treasure them. In time your new memories will take over your pain and sorrow. You’ll look back and wonder what took you so long to start your life over or get rid of that ex of yours.

Building self-confidence takes baby steps. Each time you step out of your comfort zone you’re moving a step forward.

Author Bio:  Lynn works as a dating adviser for Lovestruck Hong Kong. Lynn has learned a lot about advising expats on the cultural differences when dating in Hong Kong for over 5 years and as learn a lot about her own relationships on the way.